APDL Eductation Resources/APDL Eductation Resources.iso/text/books/arabian/ARABIAN_4

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             THE LADY AND HER FIVE SUITORS


A WOMAN of the daughters of the merchants was married to a man who
was a great traveler. It chanced once that he set out for a far
country and was absent so long that his wife, for pure ennui, fell in
love with a handsome young man of the sons of the merchants, and
they loved each other with exceeding love. One day the youth quarreled
with another man, who lodged a complaint against him with the Chief of
Police, and he cast into prison. When the news came to the merchant's
wife his mistress, she well-nigh lost her wits. Then she arose and
donning her richest clothes, repaired to the house of the Chief of
Police. She saluted him and presented a written petition to this
purport: "He thou hast clapped in jail is my brother Such-and-such,
who fell out with Such-a-one, and those who testified against him bore
false witness. He hath been wrongfully imprisoned, and I have none
other to come in to me nor to provide for my support, therefore I
beseech thee of thy grace to release him." When the magistrate had
read the paper, he cast his eyes on her and fell in love with her
forthright, so he said to her: "Go into the houses till I bring him
before me. Then I will send for thee and thou shalt take him." "O my
lord," replied she, "I have none to protect me save Almighty Allah! I
am a stranger and may not enter any man's abode." Quoth the Wali, "I
will not let him go except thou come to my home and I take my will of
thee." Rejoined she, "If it must be so, thou must needs come to my
lodging and sit and sleep the siesta and rest thewhole day there."
"And where is thy abode?" asked he, and she answered, "In such a
place," and appointed him for such a time.

Then she went out from him, leaving his heart taken with love of
her, and she repaired to the Kazi of the city, to whom she said, "O
our lord the Kazi!" He exclaimed, "Yes!" and she continued, "Look into
my case, and thy reward be with Allah the Most High!" Quoth he, "Who
hath wronged thee?" and quoth she, "O my lord, I have a brother and
I have none but that one, and it is on his account that I come to
thee, because the Wali hath imprisoned him for a criminal and men have
borne false witness against him that he is a wrongdoer, and I
beseech thee to intercede for him with the Chief of Police."

When the Kazi looked on her, he fell in love with her forthright and
said to her: "Enter the house and rest awhile with my handmaids whilst
I send to the Wali to release thy brother. If I knew the money fine
which is upon him, I would pay it out of my own purse, so I may have
my desire of thee, for thou pleaseth me with thy sweet speech."
Quoth she, "If thou, O my lord, do thus, we must not blame others."
Quoth he, "An thou wilt not come in, wend thy ways." Then said she,
"An thou wilt have it so, O our lord, it will be privier and better in
my place than in thine, for here are slave girls and eunuchs and
goers-in and comers-out, and indeed I am a woman who wotteth naught of
this fashion, but need compelleth." Asked the Kazi, "And where is
thy house?" and she answered, "In such a place," and appointed him for
the same day and time as the Chief of Police.

Then she went out from him to the Wazir, to whom she preferred her
petition for the release from prison of her brother, who was
absolutely necessary to her. But he also required her of herself,
saying, "Suffer me to have my will of thee and I will set thy
brother free." Quoth she: "An thou wilt have it so, be it in my house,
for there it will be privier both for me and for thee. It is not far
distant, and thou knowest that which behooveth us women of cleanliness
and adornment." Asked he, "Where is thy house?" "In such a place,"
answered she, and appointed him for the same time as the two others.

Then she went out from him to the King of the city and told him
her story and sought of him her brother's release. "Who imprisoned
him?" enquired he, and she replied, "'Twas thy Chief of Police."
When the King heard her speech, it transpierced his heart with the
arrows of love and he bade her enter the palace with him, that he
might send to the Kazi and release her brother. Quoth she: "O King,
this thing is easy to thee, whether I will or nill, and if the King
will indeed have this of me, it is of my good fortune. But if he
come to my house, he will do me the more honor by setting step
therein, even as saith the poet:

   "O my friends, have ye seen or have ye heard
   Of his visit whose virtues I hold so high?"

Quoth the King, "We will not cross thee in this." So she appointed him
for the same time as the three others, and told him where her house
was.

Then she left him, and betaking herself to man which was a
carpenter, said to him: "I would have thee make me a cabinet with four
compartments one above other, each with its door for locking up. Let
me know thy hire and I will give it thee." Replied he: "My price
will be four dinars. But, O noble lady and well-protected, if thou
wilt vouchsafe me thy favors, I will ask nothing of thee. Rejoined
she, "An there be no help but that thou have it so, then make thou
five compartments with their padlocks." And she appointed him to bring
it exactly on the day required. Said he, "It is well. Sit down, O my
lady, and I will make it for thee forthright, and after I will come to
thee at my leisure." So she sat down by him whilst he fell to work
on the cabinet, and when he had made an end of it, she chose to see it
at once carried home and set up in the sitting chamber. Then she
took four gowns and carried them to the dyer, who dyed them each of
a different color, after which she applied herself to making ready
meat and drink, fruits, flowers, and perfumes.

Now when the appointed trysting day came, she donned her costliest
dress and adorned herself and scented herself, then spread the
sitting room with various kinds of rich carpets, and sat down to await
who should come. And behold, the Kazi was the first to appear,
devancing rest, and when she saw him, she rose to her feet and
kissed the ground before him, then, taking him by the hand, made him
sit down by her on the couch and lay with him and fell to jesting
and toying with him. By and by he would have her do his desire, but
she said, "O my lord, doff thy clothes and turban and assume this
yellow cassock and this headkerchief, whilst I bring thee meat and
drink, and after thou shalt win thy will." So saying, she took his
clothes and turban and clad him in the cassock and the kerchief. But
hardly she done this when lo! there came a knocking at the door. Asked
he, "Who is that rapping at the door?" and she answered, "My husband."
Quoth the Kazi, "What is to be done, and where shall I go?" Quoth she,
"Fear nothing. I will hide thee in this cabinet," and he, "Do as
seemeth good to thee."

So she took him by the hand and pushing him into the lowest
compartment, locked the door upon him. Then she went to the house
door, where she found the Wali, so she bussed ground before him and
taking his hand, brought him into the saloon, where, she made him
sit down and said to him: "O my lord, this house is thy house, this
place is thy place, and I am thy handmaid. Thou shalt pass all this
day with me, wherefore do thou doff thy clothes and don this red gown,
for it is a sleeping gown." So she took away his clothes and made
him assume the red gown and set on his head an old patched rag she had
by her. After which she sat by him on the divan and she sported with
him while he toyed with her awhile, till he put out his hand to her.
Whereupon she said to him: "O our lord, this day is thy day and none
shall share in it with thee. But first, of thy favor and
benevolence, write me an order for my brother's release from gaol,
that my heart may be at ease." Quoth he, "Hearkening and obedience. On
my head and eyes be it!" and wrote a letter to his treasurer,
saying: "As soon as this communication shall reach thee, do thou set
Such-a-one, free, without stay or delay, neither answer the bearer a
word." Then he sealed it and she took it from him, after which she
began to toy again with him on the divan when, behold, someone knocked
at the door. He asked, "Who is that?" and she answered, "My
husband." "What shall I do?" said he, and she, "Enter this cabinet,
till I send him away and return to thee." So she clapped him into
the second compartment from the bottom and padlocked the door on
him, and meanwhile the Kazi heard all they said.

Then she went to the house door and opened it, whereupon lo! the
Wazir entered. She bussed the ground before him and received him
with all honor and worship, saying: "O my lord, thou exaltest us by
thy coming to our house. Allah never deprive us of the light of thy
countenance!" Then she seated him on the divan and said to him, "O
my lord, doff thy heavy dress and turban and don these lighter
vestments." So he put off his clothes and turban and she clad him in a
blue cassock and a tall red bonnet, and said to him: "Erst thy garb
was that of the wazirate, so leave it to its own time and don this
light gown, which is better fitted for carousing and making merry
and sleep." Thereupon she began to play with him and he with her,
and he would have done his desire of her, but she put him off, saying,
"O my lord, this shall not fail us." As they were talking there came a
knocking at the door, and the Wazir asked her, "Who is that?" to which
she answered, "My husband." Quoth he, "What is to be done?" Qhoth she,
"Enter this cabinet, till I get rid of him and come back to thee,
and fear thou nothing."

So she put him in the third compartment and locked the door on after
which she went out and opened the house door when lo and behold! in
came the King. As soon as she saw him she kissed ground before him,
and taking him by the hand, led him into the saloon and seated him
on the divan at the upper end. Then said she to him, "Verily, O
King, thou dost us high honor, and if we brought thee to gift the
world and all that therein is, it would not be worth a single one of
thy steps usward." And when he had taken his seat upon the divan she
said, "Give me leave to speak one word." "Say what thou wilt."
answered he, and she said, "O my lord, take thine ease and doff thy
dress and turban." Now his clothes were worth a thousand dinars, and
when he put them off she clad him in a patched gown, worth at the very
most ten dirhams, and fell to talking and jesting with him, all this
while the folk in the cabinet hearing everything that passed, but
not daring to say a word. Presently the King put his hand to her
neck and sought to do his design of her, when she said, "This thing
shall not fail us, but I had first promised myself to entertain thee
in this sitting chamber, and I have that which shall content thee."
Now as they were speaking, someone knocked at the door and he asked
her, "Who is that?" "My husband," answered she, and he, "Make him go
away of his own goodwill, or I will fare forth to him and send him
away perforce." Replied she, "Nay, O my lord, have patience till I
send him away by my skillful contrivance." "And I, how shall I do!"
inquired the King. Whereupon she took him by the hand and making him
enter the fourth compartment of the cabinet, locked it upon him.

Then she went out and opened the house door, when behold, the
carpenter entered and saluted her. Quoth she, "What manner of thing is
this cabinet thou hast made me?" "What aileth it, O my lady?" asked
he, and she answered, "The top compartment is too strait." Rejoined
he, "Not so," and she, "Go in thyself and see. It is not wide enough
for thee." Quoth he, "It is wide enough for four." and entered the
fifth compartment, whereupon she locked the door on him. Then she took
the letter of the Chief of Police and carried it to the Treasurer,
who, having read and understood it, kissed it and delivered her
lover to her. She told him all she had done and he said, "And how
shall we act now?" She answered, "We will remove hence to another
city, for after this work there is no tarrying for us here."

So the twain packed up what goods they had and, loading them on
camels, set out forthright for another city. Meanwhile, the five abode
each in his compartment of the cabinet without eating or drinking
three whole days, during which time they held their water until at
last the carpenter could retain his no longer, so he staled on the
King's head, and the King urined on the Wazir's head, and the Wazir
piddled on the Wall, and the Wali pissed on the head of the Kazi.
Whereupon the Judge cried out and said: "What nastiness is this?
Doth not what strait we are in suffice us, but you must make water
upon us?" The Chief of Police recognized the Kazi's voice and
answered, saying aloud, "Allah increase thy reward, O Kazi!" And
when the Kazi heard him he knew him for the Wali. Then the Chief of
Police lifted up his voice and said, "What means this nastiness?"
and the Wazir answered, saying, "Allah increase thy reward, O Wali!"
whereupon he knew him to be the Minister. Then the Wazir lifted up his
voice and said, "What means this nastiness?" But when the King heard
and recognized his Minister's voice, he held his peace and concealed
his affair.

Then said the Wazir: "May Allah damn this woman for her dealing with
us! She hath brought hither all the chief officers of the state,
except the King. Quoth the King, "Hold your peace, for I was the first
to fall into the toils of this lewd strumpet." Whereat cried the
carpenter: "And I, what have I done? I made her a cabinet for four
gold pieces, and when I came to seek my hire, she tricked me into
entering this compartment and locked the door on me." And they fell to
talking with one another, diverting the King and doing away his
chagrin. Presently the neighbors came up to the house and, seeing it
deserted, said one to other: "But yesterday our neighbor, the wife
of Such-a-one, was in it, but now no sound is to be heard therein
nor is soul to be seen. Let us break open the doors and see how the
case stands, lest it come to the ears of the Wali or the King and we
be cast into prison and regret not doing this thing before."

So they broke open the doors and entered the saloon, where they
saw a large wooden cabinet and heard men within groaning for hunger
and thirst. Then said one of them, "Is there a Jinni in this
cabinet?-and his fellow, "Let us heap fuel about it and burn it with
fire." When the Kazi heard this, he bawled out to them, "Do it not!"
And they said to one another, " Verily the Jinn make believe to be
mortals and speak with men's voices." Thereupon the Kazi repeated
somewhat of the Sublime Koran and said to the neighbors, "Draw near to
the cabinet wherein we are." So they drew near, and he said, "I am
So-and-so the Kazi, and ye are Such-a-one and Such-a-one, and we are
here a company." Quoth the neighbors, "Who brought you here?" And he
told them the whole case from beginning to end. Then they fetched a
carpenter, who opened the five doors and let out Kazi, Wazir, Wali,
King, and carpenter in their queer disguises; and each, when he saw
how the others were accoutered, fell a-laughing at them. Now she had
taken away all their clothes, so every one of them sent to his
people for fresh clothes and put them on and went out, covering
himself therewith from the sight of the folk. Consider, therefore,
what a trick this woman played off upon the folk!

And I have heard tell also a tale of

            KHALIFAH THE FISHERMAN OF BAGHDAD


THERE was once in tides of yore and in ages and times long gone
before in the city of Baghdad a fisherman, Khalifah hight, a pauper
wight, who had never once been married in all his days. It chanced one
morning that he took his net and went with it to the river as was
his wont, with the view of fishing before the others came. When he
reached the bank, he girt himself and tucked up his skirts. Then
stepping into the water, he spread his net and cast it a first cast
and a second, but it brought up naught. He ceased not to throw it till
he had made ten casts, and still naught came up therein, wherefore his
breast was straitened and his mind perplexed concerning his case and
he said: "I crave pardon of God the Great, there is no god but He, the
Living, the Eternal, and unto Him I repent. There is no Majesty and
there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! Whatso He
willeth is and whatso He nilleth is not! Upon Allah (to Whom belong
Honor and Glory!) dependeth daily bread! When as He giveth to His
servant, none denieth him; and when as He denieth a servant, none
giveth to him." And of the excess of his distress, he recited these
two couplets:

   "An Fate afflict thee, with grief manifest,
   Prepare thy patience and make broad thy breast;
   For of His grace the Lord of all the worlds
   Shall send to wait upon unrest sweet Rest."

Then he said in his mind, "I will make this one more cast,
trusting in Allah, so haply He may not disappoint my hope." And he
rose, and casting into the river the net as far as his arm availed,
gathered the cords in his hands and waited a full hour, after which he
pulled at it and, finding it heavy, handled it gently and drew it
in, little by little, till he got it ashore, when lo and behold! he
saw in it a one-eyed, lame-legged ape. Seeing this, quoth Khalifah:
"There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah Verily, we
are Allah's and to Him we are returning! What meaneth this
heartbreaking, miserable ill luck and hapless fortune? What is come to
me this blessed day? But all this is of the destinies of Almighty
Allah!" Then he took the ape and tied him with a cord to a tree
which grew on the riverbank, and grasping a whip he had with him,
raised his arm in the air, thinking to bring down the scourge upon the
quarry, when Allah made the ape speak with a fluent tongue, saying: "O
Khalifah, hold thy hand and beat me not, but leave me bounden to
this tree and go down to the river and cast thy net, confiding in
Allah; for He will give thee thy daily bread."

Hearing this, Khalifah went down to the river, and casting his
net, let the cords run out. Then he pulled it in and found it
heavier than before, so he ceased not to tug at it till he brought
it to land, when, behold, there was another ape in it, with front
teeth wide apart, kohl-darkened eyes, and hands stained with henna
dyes; and he was laughing, and wore a tattered waistcloth about his
middle. Quoth Khalifah, "Praised be Allah Who hath changed the fish of
the river into apes!" Then, going up to the first ape, who was still
tied to the tree, he said to him: "See, O unlucky, how fulsome was the
counsel thou gavest me! None but thou made me light on this second
ape; and for that thou gavest me good morrow with thy one eye and
thy lameness, I am become distressed and weary, without dirham or
dinar."

So saying, he hent in hand a stick and flourishing it thrice in
the air, was about to come down with it upon the lame ape, when the
creature cried out for mercy and said to him: "I conjure thee, by
Allah, spare me for the sake of this my fellow, and seek of him thy
need; for he will guide thee to thy desire!" So he held his hand
from him, and throwing down the stick, went up to and stood by the
second ape, who said to him: "O Khalifah, this my speech will profit
thee naught except thou hearken to what I say to thee; but an thou
do my bidding and cross me not, I will be the cause of thine
enrichment." Asked Khalifah, "And what hast thou to say to me that I
may obey thee therein?" The ape answered, "Leave me bound on the
bank and hie thee down to the river, then cast thy net a third time,
and after I will tell thee what to do."

So he took his net, and going down to the river, cast it once more
and waited awhile. Then he drew it in, and finding it heavy, labored
at it and ceased not his travail till he got it ashore, when he
found in it yet another ape. But this one was red, with a blue
waistcloth about his middle; his hands and feet were stained with
henna and his eyes blackened with kohl When Khalifah saw this, he
exclaimed: "Glory to God the Great! Extolled be the perfection of
the Lord of Dominion! Verily, this is a blessed day from first to last
Its ascendant was fortunate in the countenance of the first ape, and
the scroll is known by its superscription! Verily, today is a day of
apes. There is not a single fish left in the river, and we are come
out today but to catch monkeys!"

Then he turned to the third ape and said, "And what thing thou also,
O unlucky?" Quoth the ape, "Dost thou not know me, O Khalifah!" and
quoth he, "Not I!" The ape cried, "I am the ape of Abu al-Sa'adat
the Jew, the shroff." Asked Khalifah, "And what dost thou for him?"
and the ape answered, "I give him good morrow at the first of the day,
and he gaineth five ducats; and again at the end of the day, I give
him good even, and he gaineth other five ducats." Whereupon Khalifah
turned to the first ape and said to him: "See, O unlucky, what fine
apes other folk have! As for thee, thou givest me good morrow with thy
one eye and thy lameness and thy ill-omened phiz, and I become poor
and bankrupt and hungry!" So saying, he took the cattle stick, and
flourishing it thrice in the air, was about to come down with it on
the first ape, when Abu al-Sa'adat's ape said to him: "Let him be, O
Khalifah. Hold thy hand and come hither to me, that I may tell thee
what to do."

So Khalifah threw down the stick, and walking up to him,'cried, 'And
what hast thou to say to me, O monarch of all monkeys?" Replied the
ape: "Leave me and the other two apes here, and take thy not and
cast it into the river; and whatever cometh up, bring it to me, and
I will tell thee what shall gladden thee." He replied, "I hear and
obey," and took the net and gathered it on his shoulder, reciting
these couplets:

  "When straitened is my breast I will of my Creator pray,
  Who may and can the heaviest weight lighten in easiest way,
  For ere man's glance can turn or close his eye by God His grace
  Waxeth the broken whole and yieldeth jail its prison prey.
  Therefore with Allah one and all of thy concerns commit,
  Whose grace and favor men of wit shall nevermore gainsay."

Now when Khalifah had made an end of his verse, he went down to
the river, and casting his net, waited awhile. After which he drew
it up and found therein a fine young fish, with a big head, a tail
like a ladle, and eyes like two gold pieces. When Khalifah saw this
fish, he rejoiced, for he had never in his life caught its like, so he
took it, marveling, and carried it to the ape of Abu al-Sa'adat the
Jew, as 'twere he had gotten possession of the universal world.
Quoth the ape, "O Khalifah, what wilt thou do with this, and with
thine ape?" and quoth the fisherman: "I will tell thee, O monarch of
monkeys, all I am about to do. Know then that first, I will cast about
to make away with yonder accursed, my ape, and take thee in his stead,
and give thee every day to eat of whatso thou wilt." Rejoined the ape:
"Since thou hast made choice of me, I will tell thee how thou shalt do
wherein, if it please Allah Almighty, shall be the mending of thy
fortune. Lend thy mind, then, to what I say to thee and 'tis this!
Take another cord and tie me also to a tree, where leave me and go
to the midst of the dike and cast thy net into the Tigris. Then
after waiting awhile, draw it up and thou shalt find therein a fish
than which thou never sawest a finer in thy whole life. Bring it to me
and I will tell thee how thou shalt do after this."

So Khalifah rose forthright, and casting his net into the Tigris,
drew up a great catfish the bigness of a lamb. Never had he set eyes
on its like, for it was larger than the first fish. He carried it to
the ape, who said to him: "Gather thee some green grass and set half
of it in a basket; lay the fish therein and cover it with the other
moiety. Then, leaving us here tied, shoulder the basket and betake
thee to Baghdad. If any bespeak thee or question thee by the way,
answer him not, but fare on till thou comest to the market street of
the money-changers, at the upper end whereof thou wilt find the shop
of Master Abu al-Sa'adat the Jew, Sheikh of the shroffs, and wilt see
him sitting on a mattress, with a cushion behind him and two collers,
one for gold and one for silver, before him, while around him stand
his Mamelukes and Negro slaves and servant lads. Go up to him and
set the basket before him, saying: 'O Abu al-Sa'adat, verily I went
out today to fish and cast my net in thy name, and Allah Almighty sent
me this fish.' He will ask, 'Hast thou shown it to any but me?' and do
thou answer, 'No, by Allah!' Then will he take it of thee and give
thee a dinar. Give it him back and he will give thee two dinars; but
do thou return them also, and so do with everything he may offer thee;
and take naught from him, though he give thee the fish's weight in
gold.

Then will he say to thee, 'Tell me what thou wouldst have, and do
thou reply, 'By Allah, I will not sell the fish save for two words!'
He will ask, 'What are they?' And do thou answer, 'Stand up and say,
"Bear witness, O ye who are present in the market, that I give
Khalifah the fisherman my ape in exchange for his ape, and that I
barter for his lot my lot and luck for his luck." This is the price of
the fish, and I have no need of gold.' If he do this, I will every day
give thee good morrow and good even, and every day thou shalt gain ten
dinars of good gold; whilst this one-eyed, lame-legged ape shall daily
give the Jew good morrow, and Allah shall afflict him every day with
an avanie which he must needs pay, nor will he cease to be thus
afflicted till he is reduced to beggary and hath naught. Hearken
then to my words, so shalt thou prosper and be guided aright."

Quoth Khalifah: "I accept thy counsel, O monarch of all the monkeys!
But as for this unlucky, may Allah never bless him! I know not what to
do with him." Quoth the ape, "Let him go into the water, and let me go
also." "I hear and obey," answered Khalifah, and unbound the three
apes, and they went down into the river. Then he took up the
catfish, which he washed, then laid it in the basket upon some green
grass, and covered it with other, and lastly, shouldering his load,
set out with the basket upon his shoulder and ceased not faring till
he entered the city of Baghdad. And as he threaded the streets the
folk knew him and cried out to him, saying, "What hast thou there, O
Khalifah?" But he paid no heed to them and passed on till he came to
the market street of the money-changers and fared between the shops,
as the ape had charged him, till he found the Jew seated at the
upper end, with his servants in attendance upon him, as he were a King
of the Kings of Khorasan. He knew him at first sight; so he went up to
him and stood before him, whereupon Abu al-Sa'adat raised his eyes and
recognizing him, said: "Welcome, O Khalifah! What wantest thou, and
what is thy need? If any have missaid thee or spited thee, tell me and
I will go with thee to the Chief of Police, who shall do thee
justice on him." Replied Khalifah: "Nay, as thy head liveth, O chief
of the Jews, none hath missaid me. But I went forth this morning to
the river and, casting my net into the Tigris on thy luck, brought
up this fish."

Therewith he opened the basket and threw the fish before the Jew,
who admired it and said, the Pentateuch and the Ten Commandments, I
dreamt last night that the Virgin came to me and said, 'Know, O Abu
al-Sa'adat, that I have sent thee a pretty present!' And doubtless
'tis this fish." Then he turned to Khalifah and said to him, "By thy
faith, hath any seen it but I?" Khalifah replied, "No, by Allah, and
by Abu Bakr the Veridical, none hath seen it save thou, O chief of the
Jews!" Whereupon the Jew turned to one of his lads and said to him:
"Come, carry this fish to my house and bid Sa'adah dress it and fry
and broil it, against I make an end of my business and hie me home."
And Khalifah said, "Go, O my lad, let the master's wife fry some of it
and broil the rest." Answered the boy, "I hear and I obey, O my lord,"
and, taking the fish, went away with it to the house.

Then the Jew put out his hand and gave Khalifah the fisherman a
dinar, saying, "Take this for thyself, O Khalifah, and spend it on thy
family." When Khalifah saw the dinar on his palm, he took it,
saying, "Laud to the Lord of Dominion!" as if he had never seen
aught of gold in his life, and went somewhat away. But before he had
gone far, he was minded of the ape's charge and turning back, threw
down the ducat, saying: "Take thy gold and give folk back their
fish! Dost thou make a laughingstock of folk?" The Jew, hearing
this, thought he was jesting, and offered him two dinars upon the
other, but Khalifah said: "Give me the fish, and no nonsense. How
knewest thou I would sell it at this price?" Whereupon the Jew gave
him two more dinars and said, "Take these five ducats for thy fish and
leave greed." So Khalifah hent the five dinars in hand and went
away, rejoicing, and gazing and marveling at the gold and saying:
"Glory be to God! There is not with the Caliph of Baghdad what is with
me this day!"

Then he ceased not faring on till he came to the end of the market
street, when he remembered the words of the ape and his charge, and
returning to the Jew, threw him back the gold. Quoth he: "What
aileth thee, O Khalifah? Dost thou want silver in exchange for
gold?" Khalifah replied: "I want nor dirhams nor dinars. I only want
thee to give me back folk's fish." With this the Jew waxed wroth and
shouted out at him, saying: "O Fisherman, thou bringest me a fish
not worth a sequin and I give thee five for it, yet art thou not
content! Art thou Jinn-mad? Tell me for how much thou wilt sell it."
Answered Khalifah, "I will not sell it for silver nor for gold, only
for two sayings thou shalt say me."

When the Jew heard speak of the "two sayings," his eyes sank into
his head, he breathed hard and ground his teeth for rage, and said
to him, "O nail paring of the Moslems, wilt thou have me throw off
my faith for the sake of thy fish, and wilt thou debauch me from my
religion and stultify my belief and my conviction which I inherited of
old from my forebears?" Then he cried out to the servants who were
in waiting and said: "Out on you! Bash me this unlucky rogue's neck
and bastinado him soundly!" So they came down upon him with blows
and ceased not beating him till he fell beneath the shop, and the
Jew said to them, "Leave him and let him rise." Whereupon Khalifah
jumped up as if naught ailed him, and the Jew said to him: "Tell me
what price thou asketh for this fish and I will give it thee; for thou
hast gotten but scant good of us this day." Answered the fisherman,
"Have no fear for me, O master, because of the beating, for I can
eat ten donkeys' rations of stick."

The Jew laughed at his words and said, "Allah upon thee, tell me
what thou wilt have and by the right of my faith, I will give it
thee!" The fisherman replied, "Naught from thee will remunerate me for
this fish save the two words whereof I spake." And the Jew said,
"Meseemeth thou wouldst have me become a Moslem." Khalifah rejoined:
"By Allah, O Jew, an thou Islamize, 'twill nor advantage the Moslems
nor damage the Jews. And in like manner, an thou hold to thy misbelief
'twill nor damage the Moslems nor advantage the Jews. But what I
desire of thee is that thou rise to thy feet and say: 'Bear witness
against me, O people of the market, that I barter my ape for the ape
of Khalifah the fisherman and my lot in the world for his lot and my
luck for his luck'." Quoth the Jew, "If this be all thou desirest,
'twill sit lightly upon me." So he rose without stay or delay and
standing on his feet, repeated the required words. After which he
turned to the fisherman and asked him, "Hast thou aught else to ask of
me?" "No," answered he, and the Jew said, "Go in peace!"

Hearing this Khalifah sprung to his feet forthright, took up his
basket and net, and returned straight to the Tigris, where he threw
his net and pulled it in. He found it heavy and brought it not
ashore but with travail, when he found it full of fish of all kinds.
Presently up came a woman with a dish, who gave him a dinar, and he
gave her fish for it, and after her a eunuch, who also bought a
dinar's worth of fish, and so forth till he had sold ten dinars'
worth. And he continued to sell ten dinars' worth of fish daily for
ten days, till he had gotten a hundred dinars.

Now Khalifah the fisherman had quarters in the Passage of the
Merchants, and as he lay one night in his lodging much bemused with
hashish, he said to himself: "O Khalifah, the folk all know thee for a
poor fisherman, and now thou hast gotten a hundred golden dinars.
Needs must the Commander of the Faithful, Harun al-Rashid, hear of
this from someone, and haply he will be wanting money and will send
for thee and say to thee: 'I need a sum of money and it hath reached
me that thou hast an hundred dinars, so do thou lend them to me
those same.' I shall answer, 'O Commander of the Faithful, I am a poor
man, and whoso told thee that I had a hundred dinars lied against
me, for I have naught of this.' Thereupon be will commit me to the
Chief of Police, saying, 'Strip him of his clothes and torment him
with the bastinado till he confess and give up the hundred dinars in
his possession.' Wherefore, meseemeth to provide against this
predicament, the best thing I can do is to rise forthright and bash
myself with the whip, so to use myself to beating." And his hashish
said to him, "Rise, doff thy dress."

So he stood up, and putting off his clothes, took a whip he had by
him and set handy a leather pillow. Then he fell to lashing himself,
laying every other blow upon the pillow and roaring out the while-:
"Alas! Alas! By Allah, 'tis a false saying, O my lord, and they have
lied against me, for I am a poor fisherman and have naught of the
goods of the world!" The noise of the whip falling on the pillow and
on his person resounded in the still of night and the folk heard it,
and amongst others the merchants, and they said: "Whatever can ail the
poor fellow, that he crieth and we hear the noise of blows falling
on him? 'Twould seem robbers have broken in upon him and are
tormenting him." Presently they all came forth of their lodgings at.
the noise of the blows and the crying, and repaired to Khalifah's
room, but they found the door locked and said one to other: "Belike
the robbers have come in upon him from the back of the adjoining
saloon. It behooveth us to climb over by the roofs."

So they clomb over the roofs, and coming down through the
skylight, saw him naked and flogging himself, and asked him, "What
aileth thee, O Khalifah?" He answered: "Know, O folk, that I have
gained some dinars and fear lest my case be carried up to the Prince
of True Believers, Harun al-Rashid, and he send for me and demand of
me those same gold pieces; whereupon I should deny, and I fear that if
I deny, he will torture me, so I am torturing myself, by way of
accustoming me to what may come." The merchants laughed at him and
said: "Leave this fooling. May Allah not bless thee and the dinars
thou hast gotten! Verily thou hast disturbed us this night and hast
troubled our hearts."

So Khalifah left flogging himself and slept till the morning, when
he rose and would have gone about his business, but bethought him of
his hundred dinars and said in his mind: "An I leave them at home,
thieves will steal them, and if I put them in a belt about my waist,
peradventure someone will see me and lay in wait for me till he come
upon me in some lonely place and slay me and take the money. But I
have a device that should serve me well, right well." So he jumped
up forthright and made him a pocket in the collar of his gabardine,
and tying the hundred dinars up in a purse, laid them in the collar
pocket. Then he took his net and basket and staff and went down to the
Tigris, where he made a cast, but brought up naught. So he removed
from that place to another and threw again, but once more the net came
up empty. And he went on removing from place to place till he had gone
half a day's journey from the city, ever casting the net, which kept
bringing up naught. So he said to himself, "By Allah, I will throw
my net a-stream but this once more, whether ill come of it or weal!"

Then he hurled the net with all his force, of the excess of his
wrath, and the purse with the hundred dinars flew out of his collar
pocket and, lighting in midstream, was carried away by the strong
current. Whereupon he threw down the net, and doffing his clothes,
left them on the bank and plunged into the water after the purse. He
dived for it nigh a hundred times, till his strength was exhausted and
he came up for sheer fatigue, without chancing on it. When he
despaired of finding the purse, he returned to the shore, where he saw
nothing but staff, net, and basket and sought for his clothes but
could light on no trace of them. So he said in himself: "O vilest of
those wherefor was made the byword: 'The pilgrimage is not perfected
save by copulation with the camel!"' Then he wrapped the net about
him, and taking staff in one hand and basket in other, went trotting
about like a camel in rut, running right and left and backward and
forward, disheveled and dusty, as he were a rebel Marid let loose from
Solomon's prison.

So far for what concerns the fisherman Khalifah; but as regards
the Caliph Harun al-Rashid, he had a friend, a jeweler called Ibn
al-Kirnas, and all the traders, brokers, and middlemen knew him for
the Caliph's merchant. Wherefore there was naught sold in Baghdad by
way of rarities and things of price or Mamelukes or handmaidens but
was first shown to him. As he sat one day in his shop, behold, there
came up to him the Sheikh of the brokers, with a slave girl whose like
seers never saw, for she was of passing beauty and loveliness,
symmetry and perfect grace, and among her gifts that she knew all arts
and sciences and could make verses and play upon all manner musical
instruments. So Ibn al-Kirnas bought her for five thousand golden
dinars and clothed her with other thousand. After which he carried her
to the Prince of True Believers, with whom she lay the night, and
who made trial of her in every kind of knowledge and accomplishment
and found her versed in all sorts of arts and sciences, having no
equal in her time. Her name was Kut al-Kulub and she was even as saith
the poet:

   I fix my glance on her, whene'er she wends,
   And nonacceptance of my glance breeds pain.
   She favors graceful-necked gazelle at gaze,
   And "Graceful as gazelle" to say we're fain.

On the morrow the Caliph sent for Ibn al-Kirnas, the jeweler, and
bade him receive ten thousand dinars to her price. And his heart was
taken up with the slave girl Kut al-Kulub and he forsook the Lady
Zubaydah bint al-Kasim, for all she was the daughter of his father's
brother, and he abandoned all his favorite concubines and abode a
whole month without stirring from Kut al-Kulub's side save to go to
the Friday prayers and return to her all in haste. This was grievous
to the lords of the realm and they complained thereof to the Wazir
Ja'afar the Barmecide, who bore with the Commander of the Faithful and
waited till the next Friday, when he entered the cathedral mosque and,
forgathering with the Caliph, related to him all that occurred to
him of extraordinary stories anent seld-seen love and lovers, with
intent to draw out what was in his mind.

Quoth the Caliph, "By Allah, O Ja'afar, this is not of my choice,
but my heart is caught in the snare of love and wot I not what is to
be done!" The Wazir Ja'afar replied: "O Commander of the Faithful,
thou knowest how this girl Kut al-Kulub is become at thy disposal
and of the number of thy servants, and that which hand possesseth soul
coveteth not. Moreover, I will tell thee another thing, which is
that the highest boast of kings and princes is in hunting and the
pursuit of sport and victory; and if thou apply thyself to this,
perchance it will divert thee from her, and it may be thou wilt forget
her." Rejoined the Caliph: "Thou sayest well, O Ja'afar. Come let us
go a-hunting forthright, without stay or delay." So soon as Friday
prayers were prayed, they left the mosque, and at once mounting
their she-mules, rode forth to the chase, occupied with talk, and
their attendants outwent them.

Presently the heat became overhot and Al-Rashid said to his Wazir,
"O Ja'afar, I am sore athirst." Then he looked around, and espying a
figure in the distance on a high mound, asked Ja'afar, "Seest thou
what I see?" Answered the Wazir: "Yes; O Commander of the Faithful.
I see a dim figure on a high mound. Belike he is the keeper of a
garden or of a cucumber plot, and in whatso wise water will not be
lacking in his neighborhood," presently adding, "I will go to him
and fetch thee some." But Al-Rashid said: "My mule is swifter than thy
mule, so do thou abide here, on account of the troops, whilst I go
myself to him and get of this person drink and return." So saying,
he urged his she-mule, which started off like racing wind or railing
water, and in the twinkling of an eye made the mound, where he found
the figure he had, seen to be none other than Khalifah the
fisherman, naked and wrapped in the net.

And indeed he was horrible to behold, as to and fro he rolled with
eyes for very redness like cresset gleam and dusty hair in
disheveled trim, as he were, Ifrit or a lion grim. Al-Rashid saluted
him and he returned his salutation, but he was wroth, and fires
might have been lit at his breath. Quoth the Caliph, "O man, hast thou
any water?" and quote Khalifah: "How, thou, art thou blind, or
Jinnmad? Get thee to the river Tigris, for 'tis behind this mound." So
Al-Rashid went around the mound, and going down to the river, drank
and watered his mule. Then without a moment's delay he returned to
Khalifah and said to him, "What aileth thee, O man, to stand here, and
what is thy calling.?" The fisherman cried: "This is a stranger and
sillier question than that about the water! Seest thou not the gear of
my craft on my shoulder?" Said the Caliph, "Belike thou art a
fisherman?" and he replied, "Yes." Asked Al-Rashid, "Where is thy
gabardine, and where are thy waistcloth and girdle, and where be the
rest of thy raiment?"

Now these were the very things which had been taken from Khalifah,
like for like, so when he heard the Caliph name them, he got into
his head that it was he who had stolen his clothes from the riverbank,
and coming down from the top of the mound, swiftlier than the blinding
levin, laid hold of the mule's bridle, saying, "Hark ye, man, bring me
back my things and leave jesting and joking." Al-Rashid replied, "By
Allah, I have not seen thy clothes, nor know aught of them!" Now the
Caliph had large cheeks and a small mouth, so Khalifah said to him:
"Belike thou art by trade a singer, or a piper on pipes? But bring
me back my clothes fairly and without more ado, or I will bash thee
with this my staff till thou bepiss thyself and befoul thy clothes."
When Al-Rashid saw the staff in the fisherman's hand and that he had
the vantage of him, he said to himself, "By Allah, I cannot brook from
this mad beggar half a blow of that staff!" Now he had on a satin
gown, so he pulled it off and gave it to Khalifah, saying, "O man,
take this in place of thy clothes." The fisherman took it and turned
it about and said, "My clothes are worth ten of this painted aba
cloak," and rejoined the Caliph, "Put it on till I bring thee thy
gear."

So Khalifah donned the gown, but finding it too long for him, took a
knife he had with him tied to the handle of his basket, and cut off
nigh a third of the skirt, so that it fell only beneath his knees.
Then he turned to Al-Rashid and said to him, "Allah upon thee, O
piper, tell me what wage thou gettest every month from thy master, for
thy craft of piping." Replied the Caliph, "My wage is ten dinars a
month," and Khalifah continued: "By Allah, my poor fellow, thou makest
me sorry for thee! Why, I make thy ten dinars every day! Hast thou a
mind to take service with me, and I will teach thee the art of fishing
and share my gain with thee? So shalt thou make five dinars a day
and be my slavey and I will protect thee against thy master with
this staff." Quoth Al-Rashid, "I will well," and quoth Khalifah: "Then
get off thy she-ass and tie her up, so she may serve us to carry the
fish hereafter, and come hither, that I may teach thee to fish
forthright."

So Al-Rashid alighted, and hobbling his mule, tucked his skirts into
his girdle, and Khalifah said to him, "O piper, lay hold of the net
thus and put it over thy forearm thus and cast it into the Tigris
thus." Accordingly the Caliph took heart of grace and, doing as the
fisherman showed him, threw the net and pulled at it, but could not
draw it up. So Khalifah came to his aid and tugged at it with him, but
the two together could not hale it up. Whereupon said the fisherman:
"O piper of ill-omen, for the first time I took thy gown in place of
my clothes, but this second time I will have thine ass and will beat
thee to boot till thou bepiss and beskit thyself, an I find my net
torn." Quoth Al-Rashid, "Let the twain of us pull at once." So they
both pulled together, and succeeded with difficulty in hauling that
net ashore, when they found it full of fish of all kinds and colors,
and Khalifah said to Al-Rashid: "By Allah, O piper, thou art foul of
favor but an thou apply thyself to fishing, thou wilt make a mighty
fine fisherman. But now 'twere best thou bestraddle thine ass and make
for the market and fetch me a pair of frails, and I will look after
the fish till thou return, when I and thou will load it on thine ass's
back. I have scales and weights and all we want, so we can take them
with us, and thou wilt have nothing to do but to hold the scales and
punch the price. For here we have fish worth twenty dinars. So be fast
with the frails and loiter not."

Answered the Caliph, "I hear and obey" and mounting, left him with
his fish, and spurred his mule, in high good humor, and ceased not
laughing over his adventure with the fisherman till he came up to
Ja'afar, who said to him, "O Commander of the Faithful, belike when
thou wentest down to drink, thou foundest a pleasant flower garden and
enteredst and tookest thy pleasure therein alone?" At this Al-Rashid
fell a laughing again and all the Barmecides rose and kissed the
ground before him, saying: "O Commander of the Faithful, Allah make
joy to endure for thee and do away annoy from thee! What was the cause
of thy delaying when thou faredst to drink, and what hath befallen
thee?" Quoth the Caliph, "Verily, a right wondrous tale and a joyous
adventure and a wondrous hath befallen me.

And he repeated to them what had passed between himself and the
fisherman and his words, "Thou stolest my clothes!" and how he had
given him his gown and how he had cut off a part of it, finding it too
long for him. Said Ja'afar, "By Allah, O Commander of the Faithful,
I had it in mind to beg the gown of thee, but now I will go straight
to the fisherman and buy it of him." The Caliph replied, "By Allah, he
hath cut off a third part of the skirt and spoilt it! But, O
Ja'afar, I am tired with fishing in the river, for I have caught great
store of fish, which I left on the bank with my master Khalifah, and
he is watching them and waiting for me to return to him with a
couple of frails and a matchet. Then we are to go, I and he, to the
market and sell the fish and share the price." Ja'afar rejoined, "O
Commander of the Faithful, I will bring you a purchaser for your
fish." And Al-Rashid retorted: "O Ja'afar, by the virtue of my holy
forefathers, whoso bringeth me one of the fish that are before
Khalifah, who taught me angling, I will give him for it a gold dinar!"
So the crier proclaimed among the troops that they should go forth and
buy fish for the Caliph, and they all arose and made for the
riverside.

Now while Khalifah was expecting the Caliph's return with the two
frails, behold, the Mamelukes swooped down upon him like vultures
and took the fish and wrapped them in gold-embroidered kerchiefs,
beating one another in their eagerness to get at the fisherman
Whereupon quoth Khalifah, "Doubtless these are the fish of
Paradise!" and hending two fish right hand and left, plunged into
the water up to his neck and fell a-saying, "O Allah, by the virtue of
these fish, let Thy servant the piper, my partner, came to me at
this very moment." And suddenly up to him came a black slave which was
the chief of the Caliph's Negro eunuchs. He had tarried behind the
rest, by reason of his horse having stopped to make water by the way,
and finding that naught remained of the fish, little or much, looked
right and left till he espied Khalifah standing in the stream with a
fish in either hand, and said to him, "Come hither, O Fisherman!"
But Khalifah replied, "Begone and none of your impudence!" So the
eunuch went up to him and said, "Give me the fish and I will pay
thee their price." Replied the fisherman: "Art thou little of wit? I
will not sell them." Therewith the eunuch drew his mace upon him,
and Khalifah cried out, saying: "Strike not, O loon! Better largess
than the mace."

So saying, he threw the two fishes to the eunuch, who took them
and laid them in his kerchief. Then he put hand in pouch, but found
not a single dirham, and said to Khalifah: "O fisherman, verily thou
art out of luck for, by Allah, I have not a silver about me! But
come tomorrow to the palace of the Caliphate and ask for the eunuch
Sandal, whereupon the castratos will direct thee to me, and by
coming thither thou shalt get what falleth to thy lot and therewith
wend thy ways." Quoth Khalifah, "Indeed, this is a blessed day, and
its blessedness was manifest from the first of it!"

Then he shouldered his net and returned to Baghdad, and as he passed
through the streets, the folk saw the Caliph's gown on him and
stared at him till he came to the gate of his quarter, by which was
the shop of the Caliph's tailor. When the man saw him wearing dress of
the apparel of the Caliph, worth a thousand dinars, he said to him, "O
Khalifah, whence hadst thou that gown?" Replied the fisherman: "What
aileth thee to be impudent? I had it of one whom I taught to fish
and who is become my apprentice. I forgave him the cutting off of
his hand for that he stole my clothes and gave me this cape in their
place." So the tailor knew that the Caliph had come upon him as he was
fishing and jested with him and given him the gown.

Such was his case, but as regards Harun al-Rashid, he had gone out
a-hunting and a-fishing only to divert his thoughts from the damsel
Kut al-Kulub. But when Zubaydah heard of her and of the Caliph's
devotion to her, the lady was fired with the jealousy which the more
especially fireth women, so that she refused meat and drink and
rejected the delights of sleep, and awaited the Caliph's going forth
on a journey or what not, that she might set a snare for the damsel.
So when she learnt that he was gone hunting and fishing, she bade
her women furnish the palace fairly and decorate it splendidly and
serve up viands and confections. And amongst the rest she made a China
dish of the daintiest sweetmeats that can be made, wherein she had put
bhang.

Then she ordered one of her eunuchs go to the damsel Kut al-Kulub
and bid her to the banquet, saying: "The Lady Zubaydah bint alKasim,
the wife of the Commander of the Faithful, hath drunken medicine
today, and having heard tell of the sweetness of thy singing,
longeth to divert herself with somewhat of thine art." Kut al-Kulub
replied, "Hearing and obedience are due to Allah and the Lady
Zubaydah," and rose without stay or delay, unknowing what was hidden
for her in the secret purpose. Then she took with her what instruments
she needed and, accompanying the eunuch, ceased not faring till she
stood in the presence of the Princess. When she entered she kissed the
ground before her again and again, then rising to her feet, said:
"Peace be on the Lady of the exalted seat and the presence whereto
none may avail, daughter of the house Abbasi and scion of the
Prophet's family! May Allah fulfill thee of peace and prosperity in
the days and the years!"

Then she stood with the rest of the women and eunuchs, and presently
the Lady Zubaydah raised her eyes and considered her beauty and
loveliness. She saw a damsel with cheeks smooth as rose and breasts
like granado, a face moon-bright, a brow flower-white, and great
eyes black as night. Her eyelids were languor-dight and her face
beamed with light, as if the sun from her forehead arose and the murks
of the night from the locks of her brow. And the fragrance of musk
from her breath strayed, and flowers bloomed in her lovely face
inlaid. The moon beamed from her forehead and in her slender shape the
branches swayed. She was like the full moon shining in the nightly
shade. Her eyes wantoned, her eyebrows were like a bow arched, and her
lips of coral molded. Her beauty amazed all who espied her and her
glances amated all who eyed her. Glory be to Him Who formed her and
fashioned her and perfected her!

Quoth the Lady Zubaydah: "Well come, and welcome and fair cheer to
thee, O Kut al-Kulub! Sit and divert us with thine art and the
goodliness of thine accomplishments." Quoth the damsel, "I hear and
I obey," and rose and exhibited tricks of sleight of hand and
legerdemain and all manner pleasing arts, till the Princess came
near to fall in love with her and said to herself, "Verily, my
cousin Al-Rashid is not to blame for loving her!" Then the damsel
kissed ground before Zubaydah and sat down, whereupon they set food
before her. Presently they brought her the drugged dish of
sweetmeats and she ate thereof, and hardly had it settled in her
stomach when her head fell backward and she sank on the ground
sleeping. With this, the lady said to her women, "Carry her up to
one of the chambers, till I summon her," and they replied, "We hear
and we obey. Then said she to one of her eunuchs, "Fashion me a
chest and bring it hitherto to me!" And shortly afterward she bade
make the semblance of a tomb and spread the report that Kut al-Kulub
had choked and died, threatening her familiars that she would smite
the neck of whoever should say, "She is alive."

Now, behold, the Caliph suddenly returned from the chase, and the
first inquiry he made was for the damsel. So there came to him one
of his eunuchs, whom the Lady Zubaydah had charged to declare she
was dead if the Caliph should ask for her and, kissing ground before
him, said: "May thy head live, O my lord! Be certified that Kut
al-Kulub choked in eating and is dead." Whereupon cried Al-Rashid,
"God never gladden thee with good news, O thou bad slave!" and entered
the palace, where he heard of her death from everyone and asked,
"Where is her tomb?" So they brought him to the sepulcher and showed
him the pretended tomb, saying, "This is her burial place." The
Caliph, weeping sore for her, abode by the tomb a full hour, after
which he arose and went away, in the utmost distress and the deepest
melancholy.

So the Lady Zubaydah saw that her plot had succeeded, and forthright
sent for the eunuch and said, "Hither with the chest!" He set it
before her, when she bade bring the damsel, and locking her up
therein, said to the eunuch: "Take all pains to sell this chest, and
make it a condition with the purchaser that he buy it locked. Then
give alms with its price." So he took it and went forth to do her
bidding.

Thus fared it with these, but as for Khalifah the fisherman, when
morning morrowed and shone with its light and sheen, he said to
himself, "I cannot do aught better today than visit the eunuch who
bought the fish of me, for he appointed me to come to him in the
palace of the Caliphate." So he went forth of his lodging, intending
for the palace, and when he came thither, he found Mamelukes, Negro
slaves, and eunuchs standing and sitting, and looking at them, behold,
seated amongst them was the eunuch who had taken the fish of him, with
the white slaves waiting on him. Presently, one of the Mameluke lads
called out to him, whereupon the eunuch turned to see who he was and
lo! it was the fisherman. Now when Khalifah was ware that he saw him
and recognized him, he said to him: "I have not failed thee, O my
little Tulip! On this wise are men of their word." Hearing his
address, Sandal the eunuch laughed and replied, "By Allah, thou art
right, O Fisherman," and put his hand to his pouch, to give him
somewhat. But at that moment there arose a great clamor. So he
raised his head to see what was to do, and finding that it was the
Wazir Ja'afar the Barmecide coming forth from the Caliph's presence,
he rose to him and forewent him, and they walked about conversing
for a longsome time.

Khalifah the fisherman waited awhile, then, growing weary of
standing, and finding that the eunuch took no heed of him, he set
himself in his way and beckoned to him from afar, saying, "O my lord
Tulip, give me my due and let me go!" The eunuch heard him, but was
ashamed to answer him because of the Minister's presence, so he went
on talking with Ja'afar and took no notice whatever of the
fisherman. Whereupon quoth Khalifah: "O slow o' pay! May Allah put
to shame all churls and all who take folk's goods and are niggardly
with them! I put myself under thy protection, O my lord Bran-belly, to
give me my due and let me go!" The eunuch heard him, but was ashamed
to answer him before Ja'afar, and the Minister saw the fisherman
beckoning and talking to him, though he knew not what he was saying.
So he said to Sandal, misliking his behavior, "O Eunuch, what would
yonder beggar with thee?" Sandal replied, "Dost thou not know him, O
my lord the Wazir?" and Ja'afar answered: "By Allah I know him not!
How should I know a man I have never seen but at this moment?"

Rejoined the Eunuch: "O my lord, this is the fisherman whose fish we
seized on the banks of the Tigris. I came too late to get any and
was ashamed to return to the Prince of True Believers emptyhanded when
all the Mamelukes had some. Presently I espied the fisherman
standing in midstream, calling on Allah, with four fishes in his
hands, and said to him, 'Give me what thou hast there and take their
worth.' He handed me the fish and I put my hand into my pocket,
purposing to gift him with somewhat, but found naught therein and
said, 'Come to me in the palace, and I will give thee wherewithal to
aid thee in thy poverty.' So he came to me today and I was putting
hand to pouch, that I might give him somewhat, when thou camest
forth and I rose to wait on thee and was diverted with thee from
him, till he grew tired of waiting. And this is the whole story how he
cometh to be standing here."

The Wazir, hearing this account, smiled and said: "O Eunuch, how
is it that this fisherman cometh in his hour of need and thou
satisfiest him not? Dost thou not know him, O chief of the eunuchs?"
"No," answered Sandal, and Ja'afar said. "This is the master of the
Commander of the Faithful, and his partner and our lord the Caliph
hath arisen this morning strait of breast, heavy of heart, and
troubled in thought, nor is there aught will broaden his breast save
this fisherman. So let him not go till I crave the Caliph's pleasure
concerning him and bring him before him. Perchance Allah will
relieve him of his oppression and console him for the loss of Kut
al-Kulub by means of the fisherman's presence, and he will give him
wherewithal to? better himself, and thou wilt be the cause of this."
Replied Sandal: "O my lord, do as thou wilt, and may Allah Almighty
long continue thee a pillar of the dynasty of the Commander of the
Faithful, whose shadow Allah perpetuate and prosper it, root and
branch!"

Then the Wazir Ja'afar rose up and went in to the Caliph, and Sandal
ordered the Mamelukes not to leave the fisherman, whereupon Khalifah
cried: "How goodly is thy bounty, O Tulip! The seeker is become the
sought. I come to seek my due, and they imprison me for debts in
arrears!" When Ja'afar came into the presence of the Caliph, he
found him sitting with his head bowed earthward, breast straitened and
mind melancholy, humming the verses of the poet:

  My blamers instant bid that I for her become consoled,
  But I, what can I do, whose heart declines to be controlled?
  And how can I in patience bear the loss of lovely maid
  When fails me patience for a love that holds with firmest hold!
  Ne'er I'll forget her nor the bowl that 'twixt us both went round
  And wine of glances maddened me with drunkenness ensouled.

Whenas Ja'afar stood in the presence, he said: "Peace be upon
thee, O Commander of the Faithful, Defender of the honor of the
Faith and descendant of the uncle of the Prince of the Apostles, Allah
assain him and save him and his family one and an!" The Caliph
raised his head and answered, "And on thee be. peace and the mercy
of Allah and His blessings!" Quoth Ja'afar, "With leave of the
Prince of True Believers, his servant would speak without
restraint." Asked the Caliph: "And when was restraint put upon thee in
speech, and thou the Prince of Wazirs? Say what thou wilt." Answered
Ja'afar: "When I went out, O my lord, from before thee, intending
for my house, I saw standing at the door thy master and teacher and
partner, Khalifah the fisherman, who was aggrieved at thee and
complained of thee, saying: 'Glory be to God! I taught him to fish and
he went away to fetch me a pair of frails, but never came back. And
this is not the way of a good partner or of a good apprentice.' So, if
thou hast a mind to partnership, well and good; and if not, tell
him, that he may take to partner another."

Now when the Caliph heard these words, he smiled and his
straitness of breast was done away with and he said, "My life on thee,
is this the truth thou sayest, that the fisherman standeth at the
door?" and Ja'afar replied, "By thy life, O Commander of the Faithful,
he standeth at the door." Quoth the Caliph: "O Ja'afar, by Allah, I
will assuredly do my best to give him his due! If Allah at my hands
send him misery, he shall have it, and if prosperity, he shall have
it." Then he took a piece of paper, and cutting it in pieces, said
to the Wazir: "O Ja'afar, write down with thine own hand twenty sums
of money, from one dinar to a thousand, and the names of all kinds
of offices and dignities from the least appointment to the
Caliphate; also twenty kinds of punishment, from the hightest
beating to death." "I hear and I obey, O Commander of the Faithful,"
answered Ja'afar, and did as he was bidden.

Then said the Caliph: "O Ja'afar, I swear by my holy forefathers and
by my kinship to Hamzah and Akil, that I mean to summon the
fisherman and bid him take one of these papers, whose contents none
knoweth save thou and I. And whatsoever is written in the paper
which he shall choose, I will give it to him. Though it be the
Caliphate, I will divest myself thereof and invest him therewith and
grudge it not to him. And on the other hand, if there be written
therein hanging or mutilation or death, I will execute it upon him.
Now go and fetch him to me." When Ja'afar heard this, he said to
himself: "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the
Glorious, the Great' It may be somewhat will fall to this poor
wretch's lot that will bring about his destruction and I shall be
the cause. But the Caliph hath sworn, so nothing remains now but to
bring him in, and naught will happen save whatso Allah willeth."
Accordingly he went out to Khalifah the fisherman and laid hold of his
hand, to carry him in to the Caliph, whereupon his reason fled and
he said in himself: "What a stupid I was to come after yonder
ill-omened slave, Tulip, whereby he hath brought me in company with
Bran-belly!" Ja'afar fared on with him, with Mamelukes before and
behind, whilst he said, "Doth not arrest suffice, but these must go
behind and before me, to hinder my making off?" till they had
traversed seven vestibules, when the Wazir said to him: "Mark my
words, O Fisherman! Thou standest before the Commander of the Faithful
and Defender of the Faith!"

Then he raised the great curtain and Khalifah's eyes fell on the
Caliph, who was seated on his couch, with the lords of the realm
standing in attendance upon him. As soon as he knew him, he went up to
him and said: "Well come, and welcome to thee, O piper! 'Twas not
right of thee to make thyself a fisherman and go away, leaving me
sitting to guard the fish, and never to return! For, before I was
aware, there came up Mamelukes on beasts of all manner colors, and
snatched away the fish from me, I standing alone. And this was all
of thy fault, for hadst thou returned with the frails forthright, we
had sold a hundred dinars' worth of fish. And now I come to seek my
due, and they have arrested me. But thou, who hath imprisoned thee
also in this place?" The Caliph smiled, and raising a corner of the
curtain, put forth his head and said to the fisherman, "Come hither
and take thee one of these papers." Quoth Khalifah the fisherman:
"Yesterday thou wast a fisherman, and today thou hast become an
astrologer, but the more trades a man hath, the poorer he waxeth."
Thereupon Ja'afar said: "Take the paper at once, and do as the
Commander of the Faithful biddeth thee, without prating."

So he came forward and put forth his hand saying, "Far be it from me
that this piper should ever again be my knave and fish with me!" Then,
taking the paper, he handed it to the Caliph, saying: "O piper, what
hath come out for me therein? Hide naught thereof." So Al-Rashid
received it and passed it on to Ja'afar and said to him, "Read what is
therein." He looked at it and said, "There is no Majesty and there
is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great!" Said the
Caliph: "Good news, O Ja'afar? What seest thou therein?" Answered
the Wazir: "O Commander of the Faithful there came up from the
paper, 'Let the Fisherman receive a hundred blows with a stick.'" So
the Caliph commanded to beat the Fisherman and they gave him a hundred
sticks, after which he rose, saying: "Allah damn this, O Branbelly!
Are jail and sticks part of the game?"

Then said Ja'afar: " O Commander of the Faithful, this poor devil is
come to the river, and how shall he go away thirsting? We hope that
among the alms deeds of the Commander of the Faithful he may have
leave to take another paper, so haply somewhat may come out
wherewithal he may succor his poverty." Said the Caliph: "By Allah,
O Ja'afar, if he take another paper and death be written therein, I
will assuredly kill him, and thou wilt be the cause." Answered
Ja'afar, "If he die he will be at rest." But Khalifah the fisherman
said to him: "Allah ne'er, gladden thee with good news! Have I made
Baghdad strait upon you, that ye seek to slay me?" Quoth Ja'afar,
"Take thee a paper, and crave the blessing of Allah Almighty!"

So he put out his hand, and taking a paper, gave it to Ja'afar,
who read it and was silent. The Caliph asked, "Why art thou silent,
O son of Yahya?" and he answered: "O Commander of the Faithful,
there hath come out on this paper, 'Naught shall be given to the
fisherman."' Then said the Caliph: "His daily bread will not come from
us. Bid him fare forth from before our face." Quoth Ja'afar: "By the
claims of thy pious forefathers, let him take a third paper. It may be
it will bring him alimony," and quoth the Caliph, "Let him take one
and no more."

So he put out his hand and took a third paper, and behold, therein
was written, "Let the Fisherman be given one dinar." Ja'afar cried
to him, "I sought good fortune for thee, but Allah willed not to
thee aught save this dinar." And Khalifah answered: "Verily, a dinar
for every hundred sticks were rare good luck. May Allah not send thy
body health!" The Caliph laughed at him and Ja'afar took him by the
hand and led him out. When he reached the door, Sandal the eunuch
saw him and said to him: "Hither, O Fisherman! Give us portion of that
which the Commander of the Faithful hath bestowed on thee whilst
jesting with thee." Replied Khalifah: "By Allah, O Tulip, thou art
right! Wilt thou share with me, O nigger? Indeed, I have eaten stick
to the tune of a hundred blows and have earned one dinar, and thou art
but too welcome to it." So saying, he threw him the dinar and went
out, with the tears flowing down the plain of his cheeks.

When the eunuch saw him in this plight, he knew that he had spoken
sooth and called to the lads to fetch him back. So they brought him
back and Sandal, putting his hand to his pouch, pulled out a red
purse, whence he emptied a hundred golden dinars into the
fisherman's hand, saying, "Take this gold in payment of thy fish,
and wend thy ways." So Khalifah, in high good humor, took the
hundred ducats and the Caliph's one dinar and went his way, and forgot
the beating.

Now as Allah willed it for the furthering of that which He had
decreed, he passed by the mart of the handmaidens, and seeing there
a mighty ring where many folks were forgathering, said to himself,
"What is this crowd?" So he brake through the merchants and others,
who said, "Make wide the way for Skipper Rapscallion, and let him
pass." Then he looked, and behold, he saw a chest, with a eunuch
seated thereon and an old man standing by it,-and the Sheikh was
crying: "O merchants, O men of money, who will hasten and hazard his
coin for this chest of unknown contents from the palace of the Lady
Zubaydah bint al-Kasim, wife of the Commander of the Faithful? How
much shall I say for you? Allah bless you all!" Quoth one of the
merchants; "By Allah, this is a risk! But I will say one word, and
no blame to me. Be it mine for twenty dinars." Quoth another, "Fifty,"
and they went on bidding, one against other, till the price reached
a hundred ducats.

Then said the crier, "Will any of you bid more, O merchants?" And
Khalifah the fisherman said, "Be it mine for a hundred dinars and
one dinar." The merchants, hearing these words, thought he was jesting
and laughed at him, saying, "O Eunuch, sell it to Khalifah for a
hundred dinars and one dinar!" Quoth the eunuch: "By Allah, I will
sell it to none but him! Take it, O Fisherman. The Lord bless thee
in it, and here with thy gold." So Khalifah pulled out the ducats
and gave them to the eunuch, who, the bargain being duly made,
delivered to him the chest and bestowed the price in alms on the spot,
after which he returned to the palace and acquainted the Lady Zubaydah
with what he had done, whereat she rejoiced. Meanwhile the fisherman
hove the chest on shoulder, but could not carry it on this wise for
the excess of its weight, so he lifted it onto his head and thus
bore it to the quarter where he lived. Here he set it down, and
being weary, sat awhile bemusing what had befallen him and saying in
himself, "Would Heaven I knew what is in this chest!"

Then he opened the door of his lodging and haled the chest till he
got it into his closet, after which he strove to open it, but
failed. Quoth he: "What folly possessed me to buy this chest? There is
no help for it but to break it open and see what is herein." So he
applied himself to the lock, but could not open it, and said to
himself, "I will leave it till tomorrow." Then he would have stretched
him out to sleep, but could find no room, for the chest filled the
whole closet. So he got upon it and lay him down. But when he had lain
awhile, behold, he felt something stir under him, whereat sleep
forsook him and his reason fled. So he arose and cried: "Meseems there
be Jinns in the chest. Praise to Allah Who suffered me not to open it!
For had I done so, they had risen against me in the dark and slain me,
and from them would have befallen me naught of good."

Then he lay down again, when lo! the chest moved a second time, more
than before, whereupon he sprang to his feet and said: "There it
goes again. But this is terrible!" And he hastened to look for the
lamp, but could not find it and had not the wherewithal to buy
another. So he went forth and cried out, "Ho, people of the
quarter!" Now the most part of the folk were asleep, but they awoke at
his crying and asked, "What aileth thee, O Khalifah?" He answered,
"Bring me a lamp, for the Jinn are upon me." They laughed at him and
gave him a lamp, wherewith he returned to his closet. Then he smote
the lock of the chest with a stone and broke it, and opening it, saw a
damsel like a houri lying asleep within. Now she had been drugged with
bhang, but at that moment she threw up the stuff and awoke. Then she
opened her eyes, and feeling herself confined and cramped, moved.
At this sight quoth Khalifah, "By Allah, O my lady, whence art
thou?" and quoth she, "Bring me jessamine, and narcissus." And
Khalifah answered, "There is naught here but henna flowers."

Thereupon she came to herself, and considering Khalifah, said to
him, "What art thou?" presently adding, "And where am I?" He said,
"Thou art in my lodging." Asked she, "Am I not in the palace of the
Caliph Harun al-Rashid?" And quoth he: "What manner of thing is
Al-Rashid? O madwoman, Thou art naught but my slave girl. I bought
thee this very day for a hundred dinars and one dinar, and brought
thee home, and thou wast asleep in this here chest." When she heard
these words she said to him, "What is thy name?" Said he: "My name
is Khalifah. How comes my star to have grown propitious, when I know
my ascendant to have been otherwise?" She laughed and cried: "Spare me
this talk! Hast thou anything to eat?" Replied he: "No, by Allah,
nor yet to drink! I have not eaten these two days, and am now in
want of a morsel." She asked, "Hast thou no money?" and he said:
"Allah keep this chest which hath beggared me. I gave all I had for it
and am become bankrupt."

The damsel laughed at him and said: "Up with thee and seek of thy
neighbors somewhat for me to eat, for I am hungry." So he went forth
and cried out, "Ho, people of the quarter!" Now the folk were
asleep, but they awoke and asked, "What aileth thee, O Khalifah?"
Answered he, "O my neighbors, I am hungry and have nothing to eat." So
one came down to him with a bannock and another with broken meats
and a third with a bittock of cheese and a fourth with a cucumber, and
so on till his lap was full and he returned to his closet and laid the
whole between her hands, saying, "Eat." But she laughed at him,
saying: "How can I eat of this when I have not a mug of water
whereof to drink? I fear to choke with a mouthful and die." Quoth
he, "I will fill thee this pitcher." So he took the pitcher, and going
forth, stood 'm the midst of the street and cried out, saying, "Ho,
people of the quarter!" Quoth they, "What calamity is upon thee
tonight, O Khalifah!" And he said, "Ye gave me food and I ate, but now
I am athirst, so give me to drink."

Thereupon one came down to him with a mug and another with an ewer
and a third with a gugglet, and he filled his pitcher, and bearing
it back, said to the damsel, "O my lady, thou lackest nothing now."
Answered she, "True, I want nothing more at this present." Quoth he,
"Speak to me and say me thy story." And quoth she: "Fie upon thee!
An thou knowest me not, I will tell thee who I am. I am Kut al-Kulub,
the Caliph's handmaiden, and the Lady Zubaydah was jealous of me, so
she drugged me with bhang and set me in this chest," presently adding:
"Alhamdolillah- praised be God- for that the matter hath come to easy
issue and no worse! But this befell me not save for thy good luck, for
thou wilt certainly get of the Caliph Al-Rashid money galore, that
will be the means of thine enrichment." Quoth Khalifah, "Is not
Al-Rashid he in whose palace I was imprisoned?" "Yes," answered she,
and he said: "By Allah, never saw I more niggardly wight than he, that
piper little of good and wit! He gave me a hundred blows with a
stick yesterday and but one dinar, for all I taught him to fish and
made him my partner, but he played me false." Replied she: "Leave this
unseemly talk, and open thine eyes and look thou bear thyself
respectfully whenas thou seest him after this, and thou shalt win
thy wish."

When he heard her words, it was if he had been asleep and awoke, and
Allah removed the veil from his judgment, because of his good luck,
and he answered, "O my head and eyes!" Then said he to her, "Sleep, in
the name of Allah." So she lay down and fell asleep (and he afar
from her) till the morning, when she sought of him ink case and paper,
and when they were brought, wrote to Ibn al-Kirnas, the Caliph's
friend, acquainting him with her case and how at the end of all that
had befallen her she was with Khalifah the fisherman, who had bought
her. Then she gave him the scroll, saying-"Take this and hie thee to
the jewel market and ask for the shop of Ibn al-Kirnas the Jeweler and
give him this paper, and speak not." "I hear and I obey," answered
Khalifah, and going with the scroll to the market, inquired for the
shop of Ibn al-Kirnas. They directed him thither, and on entering it
he saluted the merchant, who returned his salaam with contempt and
said to him, "What dost thou want?" Thereupon he gave him the letter
and he took it, but read it not, thinking the fisherman a beggar who
sought an alms of him, and said to one of his lads, "Give him half a
dirham." Quoth Khalifah: "I want no alms. Read the paper."

So Ibn al-Kirnas took the letter and read it, and no sooner knew its
import than he kissed it and laid it on his head. Then he arose and
said to Khalifah, "O my brother, where is thy house?" Asked
Khalifah: "What wantest thou with my house? Wilt thou go thither and
steal my slave girl?" Then Ibn al-Kirnas answered: "Not so. On the
contrary, I will buy thee somewhat whereof you may eat, thou and she."
So he said, "My house is in such a quarter," and the merchant
rejoined: "Thou hast done well. May Allah not give thee health, O
unlucky one!" Then he called out to two of his slaves and said to
them: "Carry this man to the shop of Mohsin the shroff and say to him,
'O Mohsin, give this man a thousand dinars of gold,' then bring him
back to me in haste."

So they carried him to the money-changer, who paid him the money,
and returned with him to their master, whom they found mounted on a
dapple she-mule worth a thousand dinars, with Mamelukes and pages
about him, and by his side another mule like his own, saddled and
bridled. Quoth the jeweler to Khalifah, "Bismillah, mount this
mule." Replied he, "I won't, for by Allah, I fear she throw me," and
quoth Ibn al-Kirnas, "By God, needs must thou mount." So he came up,
and mounting her, face to crupper, caught hold of her tail and cried
out, whereupon she threw him on the ground and they laughed at him.
But he rose and said, "Did I not tell thee I would not mount this
great jenny-ass?" Thereupon Ibn al-Kirnas left him in the market,
and repairing to the Caliph, told him of the damsel, after which he
returned and removed her to his own house.

Meanwhile Khalifah went home to look after the handmaid and found
the people of the quarter forgathering and saying: "Verily, Khalifah
is today in a terrible pickle! Would we knew whence he can have gotten
this damsel!" Quoth one of them: "He is a mad pimp. Haply he found her
lying on the road drunken, and carried her to his own house, and his
absence showeth that he knoweth his offense." As they were talking,
behold, up came Khalifah, and they said to him: "What a plight is
thine, O unhappy! Knowest thou not what is come to thee?" He
replied, "No, by Allah!" and they said: "But just now there came
Mamelukes and took away thy slave girl whom thou stolest, and sought
for thee, but found thee not." Asked Khalifah, "And how came they to
take my slave girl?" and quoth one, "Had he fallen in their way,
they had slain him."

But he, so far from heeding them, returned running to the shop of
Ibn al-Kirnas, whom he met riding, and said to him: "By Allah, 'twas
not right of thee to wheedle me and meanwhile send thy Mamelukes to
take my slave girl!" Replied the jeweler, "O idiot, come with me,
and hold thy tongue." So he took him and carried him into a house
handsomely builded, where he found the damsel seated on a couch of
gold, with ten slave girls like moons round her. Sighting her, Ibn
al-Kirnas kissed ground before her, and she said, "What hast thou done
with my new master, who bought me with all he owned?" He replied, "O
my lady, I gave him a thousand golden dinars,' and related to her
Khalifah's history from first to last, whereat she laughed and said:
"Blame him not, for he is but a common wight. These other thousand
dinars are a gift from me to him, and Almighty Allah willing, he shall
win of the Caliph what shall enrich him."

As they were talking, there came a eunuch from the Commander of
the Faithful in quest of Kut al-Kulub, for when he knew that she was
in the house of Ibn al-Kirnas, he could not endure, the severance, but
bade bring her forthwith. So she repaired to the Palace, taking
Khalifah with her, and going into the presence, kissed ground before
the Caliph, who rose to her, saluting and welcoming her, and asked her
how she had fared with him who had brought her. She replied: "He is
a man, Khalifah the fisherman hight, and there he standeth at the
door. He telleth me that he hath an account to settle with the
Commander of the Faithful, by reason of a partnership between him
and the Caliph in fishing." Asked Al-Rashid, "Is he at the door?"
and she answered, "Yes." So the Caliph sent for him and he kissed
ground before him and wished him endurance of glory and prosperity.
The Caliph marveled at him and laughed at him, and said to him, "O
Fisherman, wast thou in very deed my partner yesterday?" Khalifah took
his meaning, and heartening his heart and summoning spirit, replied:
"By Him who bestowed upon thee the succession to thy cousin, I know
her not in anywise and have had no commerce with her save by way of
sight and speech!"

Then he repeated to him all that had befallen him since he last
saw him, whereat the Caliph laughed and his breast broadened and he
said to Khalifah, "Ask of us what thou wilt, O thou who bringest to
owners their own!" But he was silent, so the Caliph ordered him
fifty thousand dinars of gold and a costly dress of honor such as
great sovereigns don, and a she-mule, and gave him black slaves of the
Sudan to serve him, so that he became as he were one of the kings of
that time. The Caliph was rejoiced at the recovery of his favorite and
knew that all this was the doing of his cousin-wife, the Lady
Zubaydah, wherefore he, was sore enraged against her and held aloof
from her a great while, visiting her not, neither inclining to
pardon her. When she was certified of this, she was sore concerned for
his wrath, and her face, that was wont to be rosy, waxed pale and
wan till, when her patience was exhausted, she sent a letter to her
cousin, the Commander of the Faithful, making her excuses to him and
confessing her offenses, and ending with these verses:

  I long once more the love that was between us to regain,
  That I may quench the fire of grief and bate the force of bane.
  O lord of me, have ruth upon the stress my passion deals,
  Enough to me is what you doled of sorrow and of pain.
  'Tis life to me an deign you keep the troth you deigned to plight,
  'Tis death to me an troth you break and fondest vows profane.
  Given I've sinned a sorry sin, yet grant me ruth, for naught,
  By Allah, sweeter is than friend who is of pardon fain.

When the Lady Zubaydah's letter reached the Caliph, and reading it, he
saw that she confessed her offense and sent her excuses to him
therefor, he said to himself, "Verily, all sins doth Allah
forgive-aye, Gracious, Merciful is He!" And he returned her an
answer expressing satisfaction and pardon and forgiveness for what was
past, whereat she rejoiced greatly.

As for Khalifah the fisherman, the Caliph assigned him a monthly
solde of fifty dinars, and took him into especial favor, which would
lead to rank and dignity, honor and worship. Then he kissed ground
before the Commander of the Faithful and went forth with stately gait.
When he came to the door, the eunuch Sandal, who had given him the
hundred dinars, saw him, and knowing him, said to him, "O Fisherman,
whence all this?" So he told him all that had befallen him, first
and last, whereat Sandal rejoiced, because he had been the cause of
his enrichment, and said to him, "Wilt thou not give me largess of
this wealth which is now become thine?" So Khalifah put hand to
pouch and taking out a purse containing a thousand dinars, gave it
to the eunuch, who said, "Keep thy coins, and Allah bless thee
therein!" and marveled at his manliness and at the liberality of his
soul, for all his late poverty.

Then, leaving the eunuch, Khalifah mounted his she-mule and rode,
with the slaves' hands on her crupper, till he came to his lodging
at the khan, whilst the folk stared at him in surprise for that
which had betided him of advancement. When he alighted from his beast,
they accosted him and inquired the cause of his change from poverty to
prosperity, and he told them an that had happened to him from incept
to conclusion. Then he bought a fine mansion and laid out thereon much
money, till it was perfect in all points. And he took up his abode
therein and was wont to recite thereon these two couplets:

 Behold a house that's like the Dwelling of Delight,
 Its aspect heals the sick and banishes despite.
 Its sojourn for the great and wise appointed is,
 And Fortune fair therein abideth day and night.

Then, as soon as he was settled in his house, he sought him in
marriage the daughter of one of the chief men of the city, a
handsome girl, and went in unto her and led a life of solace and
satisfaction, joyaunce and enjoyment; and he rose to passing affluence
and exceeding prosperity. So when he found himself in this fortunate
condition, he offered up thanks to Allah (extolled and excelled be
He!) for what He had bestowed on him of wealth exceeding and of favors
ever succeeding, praising his Lord with the praise of the grateful.
And thereafter Khalifah continued to pay frequent visits to the Caliph
Harun al-Rashid, with whom he found acceptance and who ceased not to
overwhelm him with boons and bounty. And he abode in the enjoyment
of the utmost honor and happiness and joy and gladness, and in
riches more than sufficing and in rank ever rising- brief, a sweet
life and a savory, pure as pleasurable, till there came to him die
Destroyer of delights and the Sunderer of societies. And extolled be
the perfection of Him to whom belong glory and permanence and He is
the Living, the Eternal, who shall never die!

And amongst the tales they, tell is one of

         ABU KIR THE DYER AND ABU SIR THE BARBER


THERE dwelt once, in Alexander city, two men, of whom one was a
dyer, by name of Abu Kir, and the other a barber, Abu Sir, and they
were neighbors in the market street, where their shops stood side by
side. The dyer was a swindler and a liar, an exceeding wicked wight,
as if indeed his head temples were hewn out of a boulder rock or
fashioned of the threshold of a Jewish synagogue, nor was he ashamed
of any shameful work he wrought amongst the folk. It was his wont,
when any brought him cloth for staining, first to require of him
payment under pretense of buying dyestuffs therewith. So the
customer would give him the wage in advance and wend his ways, and the
dyer would spend all he received on meat and drink, after which he
would sell the cloth itself as soon as ever its owner turned his
back and waste its worth in eating and drinking not else, for he ate
not but of the daintiest and most delicate viands nor drank but of the
best of that which doth away the wit of man. And when the owner of the
cloth came to him, he would say to him, "Return to me tomorrow
before sunrise and thou shalt find thy stuff dyed."

So the customer would go away, saying to himself, "One day is near
another day," and return next day at the appointed time, when the dyer
would say to him: "Come tomorrow. Yesterday I was not at work, for I
had with me guests and was occupied with doing what their wants
required till they went, but tomorrow before sunrise come and take thy
cloth dyed." So he would fare forth and return on the third day,
when Abu Kir would say to him: "Indeed yesterday I was excusable,
for my wife was brought to bed in the night, and all day I was busy
with manifold matters, but tomorrow, without fail, come and take thy
cloth dyed." When the man came again at the appointed time, he would
put him off with some other pretense, it mattered little what, and
would swear to him, as often as he came, till the customer lost
patience and said, "How often wilt thou say to me, 'Tomorrow?' Give me
my stuff, I will not have it dyed." Whereupon the dyer would make
answer: "By Allah, O my brother, I am abashed at thee, but I must tell
the truth and may Allah harm all who harm folk in their goods!" The
other would exclaim, "Tell me what hath happened," and Abu Kir would
reply: "As for thy stuff, I dyed that same on matchless wise and
hung it on the drying rope, but 'twas stolen and I know not who
stole it." If the owner of the stuff were of the kindly he would
say, "Allah will compensate me," and if he were of the
ill-conditioned, he would haunt him with exposure and insult, but
would get nothing of him, though he complained of him to the judge.

He ceased not doing thus till his report was noised abroad among the
folk and each used to warn other against Abu Kir, who became a
byword amongst them. So they all held aloof from him and none would be
entrapped by him save those who were ignorant of his character; but
for all this, he failed not daily to suffer insult and exposure from
Allah's creatures. By reason of this his trade became slack, and he
used to go to the shop of his neighbor the barber Abu Sir and sit
there, facing the dyery and with his eyes on the door. Whenever he
espied anyone who knew him not standing at the dyery door with a piece
of stuff in his hand, he would leave the barber's booth and go up to
him saying, "What seekest thou, O thou?" and the man would reply,
"Take and dye me this thing." So the dyer would ask, "What color
wilt thou have it?" For, with all his knavish tricks, his hand was
in all manner of dyes. But he was never true to anyone, wherefore
poverty had gotten the better of him. Then he would take the stuff and
say, "Give me my wage in advance, and come tomorrow and take the
stuff." So the stranger would advance him the money and wend his
way, whereupon Abu Kir would carry the cloth to the market street
and sell it and with its price buy meat and vegetables and tobacco and
fruit and what not else he needed. But whenever he saw anyone who
had given him stuff to dye standing at the door of his shop, he
would not come forth to him or even show himself to him.

On this wise he abode years and years, till it fortuned one day that
he received cloth to dye from a man of wrath, and sold it and spent
the proceeds. The owner came to him every day, but found him not in
his shop; for whenever he espied anyone who had claim against him,
he would flee from him into the shop of the barber, Abu Sir. At last
that angry man, finding that he was not to be seen and growing weary
of such work, repaired to the kazi, and bringing one of his
sergeants to the shop, nailed up the door, in presence of a number
of Moslems, and sealed it, for that he saw therein naught save some
broken pans of earthenware, to stand him instead of his stuff. After
which the sergeant took the key, saying to the neighbors, "Tell him to
bring back this man's cloth, then come to me and take his shop-key,"
and went his way, he and the man.

Then said Abu Sir to Abu Kir: "What ill business is this? Whoever
bringeth thee aught, thou losest it for him. What hath become of
this angry man's stuff.?" Answered the dyer, "O my neighbor, 'twas
stolen from me." "Prodigious!" exclaimed the barber. "Whenever
anyone giveth thee aught, a thief stealeth it from thee! Art thou then
the meeting place of every rogue upon town? But I doubt me thou liest,
so tell me the truth." Replied Abu Kir, "O my neighbor, none hath
stolen aught from me." Asked Abu Sir, "What then dost thou with the
people's property?" and the dyer answered, "Whenever anyone giveth
me aught to dye, I sell it and spend the price." Quoth Abu Sir, "Is
this permitted thee of Allah?" and quoth Abu Kir, "I do this only
out of poverty, because business is slack with me and I am poor and
have nothing." And he went on to complain to him of the dullness of
his trade and his lack of means.

Abu Sir in like manner lamented the little profit of his own
calling, saying: "I am a master of my craft and have not my equal in
this city, but no one cometh to me to be polled, because I am a
pauper. And I loathe this art and mystery, O my brother." Abu Kir
replied: "And I also loathe my own craft, by reason of its
slackness. But, O my brother, what call is there for our abiding in
this town? Let us depart from it, I and thou, and solace ourselves
in the lands of mankind, carrying in our hands our crafts which are in
demand all the world over. So shall we breathe the air, and rest
from this grievous trouble." And he ceased not to command travel to
Abu Sir till the barber became wishful to set out, so they agreed upon
their route. When they agreed to travel together, Abu Kir said to
Abu Sir: "O my neighbor, we are become brethren and there is no
difference between us, so it behooveth us to recite the fatihah that
he of us who gets work shall of his gain feed him who is out of
work, and whatever is left, we will lay in a chest. And when we return
to Alexandria, we will divide it fairly and equally." "So be it,"
replied Abu Sir, and they repeated the opening chapter of the Koran on
this understanding.

Then Abu Sir locked up his shop and gave the key to its owner,
whilst Abu Kir left his door locked and sealed and let the key lie
with the kazi's sergeant. After which they took their baggage and
embarked on the morrow in a galleon upon the salt sea. They set sail
the same day and fortune attended them, for, of Abu Sir's great good
luck, there was not a barber in the ship, albeit it carried a
hundred and twenty men, besides captain and crew. So when they
loosed the sails, the barber said to the dyer: "O my brother, this
is the sea, and we shall need meat and drink. We have but little
provaunt with us and haply the voyage will be long upon us,
wherefore methinks I will shoulder my budget and pass among the
passengers, and maybe someone will say to me, 'Come hither, O
barber, and shave me,' and I will shave him for a scone or a silver
bit or a draught of water. So shall we profit by this, I and thou
too." "There's no harm in that," replied the dyer, and laid down his
head and slept, whilst the barber took his gear and water tasse, and
throwing over his shoulder a rag to serve as napkin (because he was
poor), passed among the passengers.

Quoth one of them, "Ho, master, come and shave me." So he shaved
him, and the man gave him a half-dirham, whereupon quoth Abu Sir: "O
my brother, I have no use for this bit. Hadst thou given me a scone,
'twere more blessed to me in this sea, for I have a shipmate, and we
are short of provision." So he gave him a loaf and a slice of cheese
and filled him the tasse with sweet water. The barber carried all this
to Abu Kir and said, "Eat the bread and cheese and drink the water."
Accordingly he ate and drank, whilst Abu Sir again took up his shaving
gear and, tasse in hand and rag on shoulder, went round about the deck
among the passengers. One man he shaved for two scones and another for
a bittock of cheese, and he was in demand, because there was no
other barber on board. Also he bargained with everyone who said to
him, "Ho, master, shave me!" for two loaves and a half-dirham, and
they gave him whatever he sought, so that by sundown he had
collected thirty loaves and thirty silvers with store of cheese and
olives and botargos. And besides these he got from the passengers
whatever he asked for and was soon in possession of things galore.

Amongst the rest, he shaved the captain, to whom he complained of
his lack of victual for the voyage, and the skipper said to him, "That
art welcome to bring thy comrade every night and sup with me, and have
no care for that so long as ye sail with us." Then he returned to
the dyer, whom he found asleep. So he roused him, and when Abu Kir
awoke, he saw at his head an abundance of bread and cheese and
olives and botargos and said, "Whence gottest thou all this?" "From
the bounty of Allah Almighty," replied Abu Sir. Then Abu Kir would
have fallen to, but the barber said to him: "Eat not of this, O my
brother, but leave it to serve us another time. For know that I shaved
the captain and complained to him of our lack of victual, whereupon
quoth he: 'Welcome to thee! Bring thy comrade and sup both of ye
with me every night.' And this night we sup with him for the first
time."

But Abu Kir replied, "My head goeth round with seasickness and I
cannot rise from my stead, so let me sup off these things and fare
thou alone to the captain." Abu Sir replied, "There is no harm in
that," and sat looking at the other as he ate, and saw him hew off
gobbets as the quarryman heweth stone from the hill quarries and
gulp them down with the gulp of an elephant which hath not eaten for
days, bolting another mouthful ere he had swallowed the previous one
and glaring the while at that which was before him with the
glowering of a Ghul, and blowing as bloweth the hungry bull over his
beans and bruised straw. Presently up came a sailor and said to the
barber, "O craftsmaster, the captain biddeth thee come to supper and
bring thy comrade." Quoth the barber to the dyer, "Wilt thou come with
us?" but quoth he, "I cannot walk." So the barber went by himself
and found the captain sitting before a tray whereon were a score or
more of dishes, and all the company were awaiting him and his mate.

When the captain saw him, he asked, "Where is thy friend?" and Abu
Sir answered, "O my lord, he is seasick." Said the skipper, "That will
do him no harm, his sickness will soon pass off, but do thou carry him
his supper and come back, for we tarry for thee." Then he set apart
a porringer of kababs and putting therein some of each dish, till
there was enough for ten, gave it to Abu Sir, saying, "Take this to
thy chum." He took it and carried it to the dyer, whom he found
grinding away with his dog teeth at the food which was before him,
as he were a camel, and heaping mouthful on mouthful in his hurry.
Quoth Abu Sir, "Did, I not say to thee, 'Eat not of this'? Indeed
the captain is a kindly man. See what he hath sent thee, for that I
told him thou wast seasick." "Give it here," cried the dyer. So the
barber gave him the platter, and he snatched it from him and fell upon
his food, ravening for it and resembling a grinning dog or a raging
lion or a roc pouncing on a pigeon or one well-nigh dead for hunger
who, seeing meat, falls ravenously to eat.

Then Abu Sir left him, and going back to the captain, supped and
enjoyed himself and drank coffee with him, after which he returned
to Abu Kir and found that he had eaten all that was in the porringer
and thrown it aside, empty. So he took it up and gave it to one of the
captain's servants, then went back to Abu Kir and slept till the
morning. On the morrow he continued to shave, and all he got by way of
meat and drink he gave to his shipmate, who ate and drank and sat
still, rising not save to do what none could do for him, and every
night the barber brought him a full porringer from the captain's
table.

They fared thus twenty days until the galleon cast anchor in the
harbor of a city, whereupon they took leave of the skipper, and
landing, entered the town and hired them a closet in a khan. Abu Sir
furnished it, and buying a cooking pot and a platter and spoons and
what else they needed, fetched meat and cooked it. But Abu Kir fell
asleep the moment he entered the caravanserai and awoke not till Abu
Sir aroused him and set the tray of food before him. When he awoke, he
ate, and saying to Abu Sir, "Blame me not, for I am giddy," fell
asleep again. Thus he did forty days, whilst every day the barber took
his gear, and making the round of the city, wrought for that which
fell to his lot, and returning, found the dyer asleep and aroused him.
The moment he awoke he fell ravenously upon the food, eating as one
who cannot have his fill nor be satisfied, after which he went
asleep again.

On this wise he passed other forty days, and whenever the barber
said to him, "Sit up and be comfortable and go forth and take an
airing in the city, for 'tis a gay place and a pleasant and hath not
its equal among the cities," he would reply, "Blame me not, for I am
giddy." Abu Sir cared not to hurt his feelings nor give him hard
words, but on the forty-first day, he himself fell sick and could
not go abroad, so he engaged the porter of the khan to serve them
both, and he did the needful for them and brought them meat and
drink whilst Abu Kir would do nothing but eat and sleep. The man
ceased not to wait upon them on this wise for four days, at the end of
which time the barbees malady redoubled on him, till he lost his
senses for stress of sickness; and Abu Kir, feeling the sharp pangs of
hunger, arose and sought in his comrade's clothes, where he found a
thousand silver bits. He took them and, shutting the door of the
closet upon Abu Sir, fared forth without telling any, and the
doorkeeper was then at market and thus saw him not go out.

Presently Abu Kir betook himself to the bazaar and clad himself in
costly clothes, at a price of five hundred half-dirhams. Then he
proceeded to walk about the streets and divert himself by viewing
the city, which he found to be one whose like was not among cities.
But he noted that all its citizens were clad in clothes of white and
blue, without other color. Presently he came to a dyer's, and seeing
naught but blue in his shop, pulled out to him a kerchief and said, "O
master, take this and dye it and win thy wage." Quoth the dyer, "The
cost of dyeing this will be twenty dirhams," and quoth Abu Kir, "In
our country we dye it for two." "Then go and dye it in your own
country! As for me, my price is twenty dirhams and I will not bate a
tittle thereof." "What color wilt thou dye it?" "I will dye it
blue." "But I want it dyed red." "I know not how to dye red." "Then
dye it green." "I know not how to dye it green." "Yellow." "Nor yet
yellow." Thereupon Abu Kir went on to name the different tints to him,
one after other, till the dyer said: "We are here in this city forty
master dyers, not one more nor one less, and when one of us dieth,
we teach his son the craft. If he leave no son, we abide lacking
one, and if he leave two sons, we teach one of them the craft, and
if he die, we teach his brother. This our craft is strictly ordered,
and we know how to dye but blue and no other tint whatsoever."

Then said Abu Kir: "Know that I too am a dyer, and wot how to dye
all colors, and I would have thee take me into thy service on hire,
and I will teach thee everything of my art, so thou mayst glory
therein over all the company of dyers." But the dyer answered, "We
never admit a stranger into our craft." Asked Abu Kir, "And what if
I open a dyery for myself?" whereto the other answered, "We will not
suffer thee to do that on any wise." Whereupon he left him, and
going to a second dyer, made him the like proposal, but he returned
him the same answer as the first. And he ceased not to go from one
to other till he had made the round of the whole forty masters, but
they would not accept him either to master or apprentice. Then he
repaired to the Sheikh of the dyers and told what had passed, and he
said, "We admit no strangers into our craft."

Hereupon Abu Kir became exceeding wroth, and going up to the King of
that city, made complaint to him, saying, "O King of the Age, I am a
stranger and a dyer by trade," and he told him whatso had passed
between himself and the dyers of the town, adding: "I can dye
various kinds of red, such as rose-color and jujubel-color and various
kinds of green, such as grass-green and pistachio-green and olive
and parrot's wing, and various kinds of black, such as coal-black
and kohl-black, and various shades of yellow, such as orange and
lemon-color," and went on to name to him the rest of the colors.
Then said he, "O King of the Age, all the dyers in thy city cannot
turn out of hand any one of these tints, for they know not how to
dye aught but blue. Yet they will not admit me amongst them, either to
master or apprentice." Answered the King: "Thou sayst sooth for that
matter, but I will open to thee a dyery and give thee capital, and
have thou no care anent them; for whoso offereth to do thee let or
hindrance, I will hang him over his shop door."

Then he sent for builders and said to them, "Go round about the city
with this master dyer, and whatsoever place pleaseth him, be it shop
or khan or what not, turn out its occupier and build him a dyery after
his wish. Whatsoever he biddeth you, that do ye, and oppose him not in
aught." And he clad him in a handsome suit and gave him two white
slaves to serve him, and a horse with housings of brocade and a
thousand dinars, saying, "Expend this upon thyself against the
building be completed." Accordingly Abu Kir donned the dress, and
mounting the horse, became as he were an emir. Moreover the King
assigned him a house, and bade furnish it, so they furnished it for
him and he took up his abode therein. On the morrow he mounted and
rode through the city, whilst the architects went before him, and he
looked about him till he saw a place which pleased him and said, "This
stead is seemly," whereupon they turned out the owner and carried
him to the King, who gave him as the price of his holding, what
contented him and more.

Then the builders fell to work, whilst Abu Kir said to them,
"Build thus and thus and do this and that," till they built him a
dyery that had not its like. Whereupon he presented himself before the
King and informed him that they had done building the dyery and that
there needed but the price of the dyestuffs and gear to set it
going. Quoth the King, "Take these four thousand dinars to thy capital
and let me see the first fruits of thy dyery." So he took the money
and went to the market where, finding dyestuffs plentiful and
well-nigh worthless, he bought all he needed of materials for
dyeing; and the King sent him five hundred pieces of stuff, which he
set himself to dye of all colors, and then he spread them before the
door of his dyery.

When the folk passed by the shop, they saw a wonder sight whose like
they had never in their lives seen, so they crowded about the
entrance, enjoying the spectacle and questioning the dyer and
saying, "O master, what are the names of these colors?" Quoth he,
"This is red and that yellow and the other green," and so on, naming
the rest of the colors. And they fell to bringing him longcloth and
saying to him, "Dye it for us like this and that, and take what hire
thou seekest." When he had made an end of dyeing the King's stuffs, he
took them and went up with them to the Divan, and when the King saw
them he rejoiced in them and bestowed abundant bounty on the dyer.
Furthermore, all the troops brought him stuffs, saying, "Dye for us
thus and thus," and he dyed for them to their liking, and they threw
him gold and silver. After this his fame spread abroad, and his shop
was called the Sultan's Dyery. Good came in to him at every door and
none of the other dyers could say a word to him, but they used to come
to him kissing his hands and excusing themselves to him for past
affronts they had offered him and saying, "Take us to thine
apprentices." But he would none of them, for he had become the owner
of black slaves and handmaids and had amassed store of wealth.

On this wise fared it with Abu Kir, but as regards Abu Sir, after
closet door had been locked on him and his money had been stolen, he
abode prostrate and unconscious for three successive days, at the
end of which the concierge of the khan, chancing to look at the
door, observed that it was locked, and bethought himself that he had
not seen and heard aught of the two companions for some time. So he
said in his mind: "Haply they have made off without paying rent, or
perhaps they are dead, or what is to do with them?" And he waited till
sunset, when he went up to the door and heard the barber groaning
within. He saw the key in the lock, so he opened the door, and
entering, found Abu Sir lying groaning, and said to him: "No harm to
thee. Where is thy friend?" Replied Abu Sir: "By Allah, I came to my
senses only this day and called out, but none answered my call.
Allah upon thee, O my brother, look for the purse under my head and
take from it five half-dirhams and buy me somewhat nourishing, for I
am sore a-hungered." The porter put out his hand, and taking the
purse, found it empty and said to the barber, "The purse is empty,
there is nothing in it." Whereupon Abu Sir knew that Abu Kir had taken
that which was therein and had fled, and he asked the porter, "Hast
thou not seen my friend?" Answered the doorkeeper, "I have not seen
him for these three days, and indeed methought you had departed,
thou and he." The barber cried, "Not so, but he coveted my money and
took it and fled, seeing me sick."

Then he fell a-weeping and a-wailing, but the doorkeeper said to
him, "No harm shall befall thee, and Allah will requite him his deed."
So he went away and cooked him some broth, whereof he ladled out a
plateful and brought it to him. Nor did he cease to tend him and
maintain him with his own moneys for two months' space, when the
barber sweated and the Almighty made him whole of his sickness. Then
he stood up and said to the porter: "An ever the Most High Lord enable
me, I will surely requite thee thy kindness to me. But none
requiteth save the Lord of His bounty!" Answered the porter:
"Praised be He for thy recovery! I dealt not thus with am but of
desire for the face of Allah the Bountiful."

Then the barber went forth of the khan and threaded the market
streets of the town till Destiny brought him to the bazaar wherein was
Abu Kir's dyery, and he saw the varicolored stuffs dispread before the
shop and a jostle of folk crowding to look upon them. So he questioned
one of the townsmen and asked him, "What place is this, and how cometh
it that I see the folk crowding together?" whereto the man answered,
saying: "This is the Sultan's Dyery, which he set up for a
foreigner, Abu Kir high! And whenever he dyeth new stuff, we all flock
to him and divert ourselves by gazing upon his handiwork, for we
have no dyers in our land who know how to stain with these colors. And
indeed there befell him with the dyers who are in the city that
which befell." And he went on to tell him all that had passed
between Abu Kir and the master dyers and how he had complained of them
to the Sultan, who took him by the hand and built him that dyery and
gave him this and that- brief, he, recounted to him all that had
occurred.

At this the barber rejoiced and said in himself: "Praised be Allah
Who hath prospered him, so that he is become a master of his craft!
And the man is excusable, for of a surety he hath been diverted from
thee by his work and hath forgotten thee; but thou actedst kindly by
him and entreatedst him generously what time he was out of work, so
when he seeth thee, he will rejoice in thee and entreat thee
generously, even as thou entreatedst him." According he made for the
door of the dyery, and saw Abu Kir seated on a high mattress spread
upon a bench beside the doorway, clad in royal apparel and attended by
four blackamoor slaves and four white Mamelukes all robed in the
richest of raiment. Moreover, he saw the workmen, ten Negro slaves,
standing at work; for when Abu Kir bought them, he taught them the
craft of dyeing, and he himself sat amongst his cushions as he were
a grand wazir or a mighty monarch, putting his hand to naught but only
saying to the men, "Do this and do that." So the barber went up to him
and stood before him, deeming he would rejoice in him when he saw
him and salute him and entreat him with honor and make much of him.
But when eye fell upon eye, the dyer said to him: "O scoundrel how
many a time have I bidden thee stand not at the door of the
workshop? Hast thou a mind to disgrace me with the folk, thief that
thou art? Seize him."

So the blackamoors ran at him and laid hold of him, and the dyer
rose up from his seat and said, "Throw him." Accordingly they threw
him down and Abu Kir took a stick and dealt him a hundred strokes on
the back, after which they turned him over and he beat him other
hundred blows on his belly. Then he said to him: "O scoundrel, O
villain, if ever again I see thee standing at the door of this
dyery, I will forthwith send thee to the King, and he will commit thee
to the Chief of Police, that he may strike thy neck. Begone, may Allah
not bless thee!" So Abu Sir departed from him, brokenhearted by reason
of the beating and shame that had betided him, whilst the bystanders
asked Abu Kir, "What hath this man done?" He answered: "The fellow
is a thief, who stealeth the stuffs of folk. He hath robbed me of
cloth, how many a time! And I still said to myself, 'Allah forgive
him!' He is a poor man, and I cared not to deal roughly with him, so I
used to give my customers the worth of their goods and forbid him
gently, but he would not be forbidden. And if he come again, I will
send him to the King, who will put him to death and rid the people
of his mischief." And the bystanders fell to abusing the barber
after his back was turned.

Such was the behavior of Abu Kir, but as regards Abu Sir, he
returned to the khan, where he sat pondering that which the dyer had
done by him, and he remained seated till the burning of the beating
subsided, when he went out and walked about the markets of the city.
Presently he bethought him to go to the hammam bath, so he said to one
of-the townsfolk, "O my brother, which is the way to the baths?" Quoth
the man, "And what manner of thing may the baths be?" and quoth Abu
Sir, "'Tis a place where people wash themselves and do away their dirt
and defilements, and it is of the best of the good things of the
world." Replied the townsman, "Get thee to the sea," but the barber
rejoined, "I want the hammam baths." Cried the other: "We know not
what manner of thing is the hammam, for we all resort to the sea. Even
the King, when he would wash, betaketh himself to the sea."

When Abu Sir was assured that there was no bath in the city and that
the folk knew not the baths nor the fashion thereof, he betook himself
to the King's Divan and, kissing ground between his hands, called down
blessings on him and said: "I am a stranger and a bathman by trade,
and I entered thy city and thought to go to the hammam, but found
not one therein. How cometh a city of this comely quality to lack a
hammam, seeing that the bath is of the highest of the delights of this
world?" Quoth the King, "What manner of thing is the hammam?" So Abu
Sir proceeded to set forth to him the quality of the bath, saying,
"Thy capital will not be a perfect city till there be a hammam
therein." "Welcome to thee!" said the King and clad him in a dress
that had not its like and gave him a horse and two blackamoor
slaves, presently adding four handmaids and as many white Mamelukes.
He also appointed him a furnished house and honored him yet more
abundantly than he had honored the dyer.

After this he sent builders with him, saying to them, "Build him a
hammam in what place soever shall please him." So he took them and
went with them through the midst of the city till he saw a stead
that suited him. He pointed it out to the builders and they set to
work, whilst he directed them, and they wrought till they builded
him a hammam that had not its like. Then he bade them paint it, and
they painted it rarely, so that it was a delight to the beholders.
After which Abu Sir went up to the King and told him that they had
made an end of building and decorating the hammam, adding, "There
lacketh naught save the furniture." The King gave him ten thousand
dinars wherewith he furnished the bath and ranged the napkins on the
ropes, and all who passed by the door stared at it and their mind
was confounded at its decorations. So the people crowded to this
spectacle, whose like they had never in their lives seen, and
solaced themselves by staring at it and saying, "What is this
thing?" To which Abu Sir replied, "This is a hammam," and they
marveled thereat. Then he heated water and set the bath a-working, and
he made a jetting fountain in the great basin, which ravished the
wit of an who saw it of the people of the city.

Furthermore, he sought of the King ten Mamelukes not yet come to
manhood, and he gave him ten boys like moons, whereupon Abu Sir
proceeded to shampoo them, saying, "Do in this wise with the bathers."
Then he burnt perfumes and sent out a crier to cry aloud in the
city, saying, "O creatures of Allah, get ye to the baths which be
called the Sultan's Hammam!" So the lieges came thither and Abu Sir
bade the slave boys wash their bodies. The folk went down into the
tank and coming forth, seated themselves on the raised pavement whilst
the boys shampooed them, even as Abu Sir had taught them. And they
continued to enter the hammam and do their need therein gratis and
go out, without paying, for the space of three days.

On the fourth day the barber invited the King, who took horse with
his grandees and rode to the baths, where he put off his clothes and
entered. Then Abu Sir came in to him and rubbed his body with the
bag gloves, peeling from his skin dirt rolls like lampwicks and
showing them to the King, who rejoiced therein, and clapping his
hand upon his limbs, heard them ring again for very smoothness and
cleanliness. After which thorough washing Abu Sir mingled rosewater
with the water of the tank and the King went down therein. When he
came forth, his body was refreshed and he felt a lightness and
liveliness such as he had never known in his life. Then the barber
made him sit on the dais and the boys proceeded to shampoo him, whilst
the censers fumed with the finest lign aloes.

Then said the King, "O master, is this the hammam?" and Abu Sir
said, "Yes." Quoth the King; "As my head liveth, my city is not become
a city indeed but by this bath," presently adding, "But what pay
takest thou for each person?" Quoth Abu Sir, "That which thou
biddest will I take," whereupon the King cried, "Take a thousand
gold pieces for everyone who washeth in thy hammam." Abu Sir, however,
said: "Pardon, O King of the Age! All men are not alike, but there are
amongst them rich and poor, and if I take of each a thousand dinars,
the hammam will stand empty, for the poor man cannot pay this
price." Asked the King, "How then wilt thou do for the price?" and the
barber answered: "I will leave it to their generosity. Each who can
afford aught shall pay that which his soul grudgeth not to give, and
we will take from every man after the measure of his means. On this
wise will the folk come to us, and he who is wealthy shall give
according to his station and he who is wealthless shall give what he
can afford. Under such condition the hammam will still be at work
and prosper exceedingly. But a thousand dinars is a monarch's gift,
and not every man can avail to this."

The lords of the realm confirmed Abu Sir's words, saying: "This is
the truth, O King of the Age! Thinkest thou that all folk are like
unto thee, O glorious King?" The King replied: "Ye say sooth, but this
man is a stranger and poor, and 'tis incumbent on us to deal
generously with him, for that he hath made in our city this hammam
whose like we have never in our lives seen and without which our
city were not adorned nor hath gotten importance. Wherefore, an we
favor him with increase of fee, 'twill not be much." But the
grandees said: "An thou wilt guerdon him, be generous with thine own
moneys, and let the King's bounty be extended to the poor by means
of the low price of the hammam, so the lieges may bless thee. But as
for the thousand dinars, we are the lords of thy land, yet do our
souls grudge to pay it, and how then should the poor be pleased to
afford it?" Quoth the King: "O my Grandees, for this time let each
of you give him a hundred dinars and a Mameluke, a slave girl, and a
blackamoor," and quoth they: "'Tis well. We will give it, but after
today whoso entereth shall give him only what he can afford, without
grudging." "No harm in that," said the King, and they gave him the
thousand gold pieces and three chattels.

Now the number of the nobles who were washed with the King that
day was four hundred souls, so that the total of that which they
gave him was forty thousand dinars, besides four hundred Mamelukes and
a like number of Negroes and slave girls. Moreover, the King gave
him ten thousand dinars, besides ten white slaves and ten
handmaidens and a like number of blackamoors, whereupon, coming
forward, Abu Sir kissed the ground before him and said: "O
auspicious Sovereign, lord of justice, what place will contain me
all these women and slaves?" Quoth the King: "O weak o' wit, I bade
not my nobles deal thus with thee but that we might gather together
unto thee wealth galore; for maybe thou wilt bethink thee of thy
country and family and repine for them and be minded to return to
thy mother land- so shalt thou take from our country muchel of money
to maintain thyself withal, what while thou livest in thine own
country." And quoth Abu Sir: "O King of the Age (Allah advance thee!),
these white slaves and women and Negroes befit only kings, and hadst
thou ordered me ready money, it were more profitable to me than this
army; for they must eat and drink and dress, and whatever betideth
me of wealth, it will not suffice for their support."

The King laughed and said: "By Allah, thou speaketh sooth! They
are indeed a mighty host, and thou hast not the wherewithal to
maintain them; but wilt thou sell them to me for a hundred dinars a
head?" Said Abu Sir, "I sell them to thee at that price." So the
King sent to his treasurer for the coin and he brought it and gave Abu
Sir the whole of the price without abatement and in full tale, after
which the King restored the slaves to their owners, saying, "Let
each of you who knoweth his slaves take them, for they are a gift from
me to you." So they obeyed his bidding and took each what belonged
to him, whilst Abu Sir said to the King: "Allah ease thee, O King of
the Age, even as thou hast eased me of these Ghuls, whose bellies none
may fill save Allah!" The King laughed, and said he spake sooth. Then,
taking the grandees of his realm from the hammam, returned to his
palace. But the barber passed the night in counting out his gold and
laying it up in bags and sealing them, and he had with him twenty
black slaves and a like number of Mamelukes and four slave girls to
serve him.

Now when morning morrowed, he opened the hammam and sent out a crier
to cry, saying: "Whoso entereth the baths and washeth shall give
that which he can afford and which his generosity requireth him to
give." Then he seated himself by the pay chest and customers flocked
in upon him, each putting down that which was easy to him, nor had
eventide evened ere the chest was full of the good gifts of Allah
the Most High. Presently the Queen desired to go to the hammam, and
when this came to Abu Sir's knowledge, he divided the day on her
account into two parts, appointing that between dawn and noon to men
and that between midday and sundown to women. As soon as the Queen
came, he stationed a handmaid behind the pay chest, for he had
taught four slave girls the service of the hammam, so that they were
become expert bathwomen and tirewomen. When the Queen entered, this
pleased her, and her breast waxed broad, and she laid down a
thousand dinars.

Thus his report was noised abroad in the city, and all who entered
the bath he entreated with honor, were they rich or poor. Good came in
upon him at every door, and he made acquaintance with the royal guards
and got him friends and intimates. The King himself used to come to
him one day in every week, leaving with him a thousand dinars, and the
other days were for rich and poor alike; and he was wont to deal
courteously with the folk and use them with the utmost respect. It
chanced that the King's sea captain came in to him one day in the
bath, so Abu Sir did off his dress and going in with him, proceeded to
shampoo him, and entreated him with exceeding courtesy. When he came
forth, he made him sherbet and coffee, and when he would have given
him somewhat, he swore that he would not accept from him aught. So the
captain was under obligation to him, by reason of his exceeding
kindness and courtesy, and was perplexed how to requite the bathman
his generous dealing.

Thus fared it with Abu Sir, but as regards Abu Kir, hearing an the
people recounting wonders of the baths and saying, "Verily, this
hammam is the Paradise of this world! Inshallah, O Such-a-one, thou
shalt go with us tomorrow to this delightful bath," he said to
himself, "Needs must I fare like the rest of the world, and see this
bath that hath taken folk's wits." So he donned his richest dress, and
mounting a she-mule and bidding the attendance of four white slaves
and four blacks, walking before and behind him, he rode to the hammam.
When he alighted at the door, he smelt the scent of burning aloes wood
and found people going in and out and the benches full of great and
small. So he entered the vestibule, and saw Abu Sir, who rose to him
and rejoiced in him, but the dyer said to him: "Is this the way of
well-born men? I have opened me a dyery and am become master dyer of
the city and acquainted with the King and have risen to prosperity and
authority, yet camest thou not to me nor askest of me nor saidst,
'Where's my comrade?' For my part, I sought thee in vain and sent my
slaves and servants to make search for thee in all the khans and other
places, but they knew not whither thou hadst gone, nor could anyone
give me tidings of thee."

Said Abu Sir, "Did I not come to thee, and didst thou not make me
out a thief and bastinado me and dishonor me before the world?" At
this Abu Kir made a show of concern and asked: "What manner of talk is
this? Was it thou whom I beat?" and Abu Sir answered, "Yes, 'twas
I." Whereupon Abu Kir swore to him a thousand oaths that he knew him
not and said: "There was a fellow like thee, who used to come every
day and steal the people's stuff, and I took thee for him." And he
went on to pretend penitence, beating hand upon hand and saying:
"There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the
Glorious, the Great. Indeed we have sinned against thee, but would
that thou hadst discovered thyself to and said, 'I am Such-a-one!'
Indeed the fault is with thee, for that thou madest not thyself
known unto me, more especially seeing that I was distracted for much
business." Replied Abu Sir: "Allah pardon thee, O my comrade! This was
foreordained in the secret purpose, and reparation is with Allah.
Enter and put off thy clothes and bathe at thine ease." Said the dyer,
"I conjure thee, by Allah, O my brother, forgive me!" and said Abu
Sir: "Allah acquit thee of blame and forgive thee! Indeed this thing
was decreed to me from an eternity."

Then asked Abu Kir, "Whence gottest thou this high degree?" and
answered Abu Sir: "He who prospered thee prospered me, for I went up
to the King and described to him the fashion of the hammam, and he
bade me build one." And the dyer said: "Even as thou art beknown of
the King, so also am I, and, Inshallah- God willing- I will make him
love and favor thee more than ever, for my sake. He knoweth not that
thou art my comrade, but I will acquaint him of this and commend
thee to him." But Abu Sir said: "There needeth no commendation, for He
who moveth man's heart to love still liveth, and indeed the King and
all his Court affect me and have given me this and that." And he
told him the whole tale, and said to him: "Put off thy clothes
behind the chest and enter the hammam, and I will go in with thee and
rub thee down with the glove." So he doffed his dress, and Abu Sir,
entering the bath with him, soaped him and gloved him and then dressed
him and busied himself with his service till he came forth, when he
brought him dinner and sherbets, whilst all the folk marveled at the
honor he did him.

Then Abu Kir would have given him somewhat, but he swore that he
would not accept aught from him, and said to him: "Shame upon such
doing! Thou art my comrade, and there is no diference between us."
Then Abu Kir observed: "By Allah, O my comrade, this is a mighty
fine hammam of thine, but there lacketh somewhat in its ordinance."
Asked Abu Sir, "And what is that?" and Abu Kir answered: "It is the
depilatory, to wit, the paste compounded of yellow arsenic and
quicklime which removeth the hair with comfort. Do thou prepare it,
and next time the King cometh, present it to him, teaching him how
he shall cause the hair to fall off by such means, and he will love
thee with exceeding love and honor thee." Quoth Abu Sir, "Thou
speaketh sooth, and Inshallah, I will at once make it."

Then Abu Kir left him and mounted his mule, and going to the King,
said to him, "I have a warning to give thee, O King of the Age!"
"And what is thy warning?" asked the King, and Abu Kir answered, "I
hear that thou hast built a hamman." Quoth the King: "Yes. There
came to me a stranger and I builded the baths for even as I builded
the dyery for thee, and indeed 'tis a mighty fine hammam and an
ornament to my city," and he went on to describe to him the virtues of
the bath. Quoth the dyer, "Hast thou entered therein?" and quoth the
King, "Yes." Thereupon cried Abu Kir: "Alhamdolillah- praised be
God- who saved thee from the mischief of yonder villian and foe of
the Faith- I mean the bathkeeper!" The King inquired, "And what of
him?" and Abu Kir replied: "Know, O King of the Age, that an thou
enter the hammam again after this day, thou wilt surely perish."
"How so?" said the King, and the dyer said: "This bathkeeper is thy
foe and the foe of the Faith, and he induced thee not to stablish this
bath but because he designed therein to poison thee. He hath made
for thee somewhat, and he will present it to thee when thou enterest
the hammam, saying, 'This is a drug which, if one apply to his parts
below the waist, will remove the hair with comfort." Now it is no
drug, but a drastic dreg and a deadly poison, for the Sultan of the
Christians hath promised this obscene fellow to release to him his
wife and children an he will kill thee. For they are prisoners in
the hands of that Sultan. I myself was captive with him in their land,
but I opened a dyery and dyed for them various colors, so that they
conciliated the King's heart to me and he bade me ask a boon of him. I
sought of him freedom and he set me at liberty, whereupon I made my
way to this city, and seeing yonder man in the hammam, said to him,
'How didst thou effect thine escape and win free with thy wife and
children?' Quoth he: 'We ceased not to be in captivity, I and my
wife and children, till one day the King of the Nazarenes held a Court
whereat I was present, amongst a number of others. And as I stood
amongst the folk, I heard them open out on the kings and name them,
one after other, till they came to the name of the King of this
city, whereupon the King of the Christians cried out "Alas!" and said,
"None vexeth me in the world, but the King of such a city! Whosoever
will contrive me his slaughter I will give him all. he shall ask."
So I went up to him and said, "An I compass for thee his slaughter,
wilt thou set me free, me and my wife and my children?" The King
replied, "Yes, and I will give thee to boot whatso thou shalt desire."
So we agreed upon this, and he sent me in a galleon to this city,
where I presented myself to the King and he built me this hammam.

"'Now, therefore, I have naught to do but to slay him and return
to the King of the Nazarenes, that I may redeem my children and my
wife and ask a boon of him.' Quoth I: 'And how wilt thou go about to
kill him?' and quoth he, 'By the simplest of all devices, for I have
compounded him somewhat wherein is poison, so when he cometh to the
bath, I shall say to him "Take this paste and anoint therewith thy
parts below the waist for it will cause the hair to drop off." So he
will take it and apply it to himself, and the poison will work in
him a day and a night, till it reacheth his heart and destroyeth
him. And meanwhile I shall have made off and none will know that it
was I slew him.' When I heard this," added Abu Kir, "I feared for
thee, my benefactor, wherefore I have told thee of what is doing.

As soon as the King heard the dyer's story, he was wroth with
exceeding wrath and said to him, "Keep this secret." Then he
resolved to visit the hammam, that he might dispel doubt by
supplying certainty, and when he entered, Abu Sir doffed his dress,
and betaking himself as of wont to the service of the King,
proceeded to glove him, after which he said to him, "O King of the
Age, I have made a drug which assisteth in plucking out the lower
hair." Cried the King, "Bring it to me." So the barber brought it to
him and the King, finding it nauseous of smell, was assured that it
was poison, wherefore he was incensed and called out to his guards,
saying, "Seize him!" Accordingly they seized him, and the King
donned his dress and returned to his palace; boiling with fury, whilst
none knew the cause of his indignation, for, of the excess of his
wrath he had acquainted no one therewith and none dared ask him.

Then he repaired to the audience chamber, and causing Abu Sir to
be brought before him with his elbows pinioned, sent for his sea
captain and said to him: "Take this villian and set him in a sack with
two quintals of lime unslaked and tie its mouth over his head. Then
lay him in a cockboat and row out with him in front of my palace,
where thou wilt see me sitting at the lattice. Do thou say to me,
'Shall I cast him in?' and if I answer, 'Cast him!' throw the sack
into the sea, so the quicklime may be slacked on him to the intent
that he shall die drowned and burnt." "Hearkening and obeying,"
quoth the captain, and taking Abu Sir from the presence, carried him
to an island facing the King's palace, where he said to him: "Ho,
thou, I once visited thy hammam and thou entreatedst me with honor and
accomplishedst all my needs and I had great pleasure of thee.
Moreover, thou swarest that thou wouldst take no pay of me, and I love
thee with a great love. So tell me how the case standeth between
thee and the King, and what abominable deed thou hast done with him
that he is wroth with thee and hath commanded me that thou shouldst
die this foul death."

Answered Abu Sir, "I have done nothing, nor weet I of any crime I
have committed against him which merited this!" Rejoined the
captain: "Verily, thou wast high in rank with the King, such as none
ever won before thee, and all who are prosperous are envied. Haply
someone was jealous of thy good fortune and threw out certain hints
concerning thee to the King, by reason whereof he is become enraged
against thee with rage so violent. But be of good cheer, no harm shall
befall thee. For even as thou entreatedst me generously, without
acquaintanceship between me and thee, so now I will deliver thee.
But an I release thee, thou must abide with me on this island till
some galleon sail from our city to thy native land, when I will send
thee thither therein."

Abu Sir kissed his hand and thanked him for that, after which the
captain fetched the quicklime and set it in a sack, together with a
great stone, the size of a man, saying, "I put my trust in Allah!"
Then he gave the barber a net, saying: "Cast this net into the sea, so
haply thou mayest take somewhat of fish. For I am bound to supply
the King's kitchen with fish every day, but today I have been
distracted from fishing by this calamity which hath befallen thee, and
I fear lest the cook's boys come to me in quest of fish and find none.
So, an thou take aught, they will find it and thou wilt veil my
face, whilst I go and play off my practice in front of the palace
and feign to cast thee into the sea." Answered Abu Sir: "I will fish
the while. Go thou, and God help thee!" So the captain set the sack in
the boat and paddled till it came under the palace, where he saw the
King seated at the lattice and said to him, "O King of the Age,
shall I cast him in?" "Cast him!" cried the King, and signed to him
with his hand, when lo and behold! something flashed like levin and
fell into the sea. Now that which had fallen into the water was the
King's seal ring, and the same was enchanted in such way that when the
King was wroth with anyone and was minded to slay him, he had but to
sign to him with his right hand, whereon was the signet ring, and
therefrom issued a flash of lightning, which smote the object, and
thereupon his head fell from between his shoulders. And the troops
obeyed him not, nor did he overcome the men of might, save by means of
the ring. So when it dropped from his finger, he concealed the
matter and kept silence, for that he dared not say, "My ring is fallen
into the sea," for fear of the troops, lest they rise against him
and slay him.

On this wise it befell the King. But as regards Abu Sir, after the
captain had left him on the island he took the net and casting it into
the sea, presently drew it up full of fish, nor did he cease to
throw it and pull it up full till there was a great mound of fish
before him. So he said in himself, "By Allah, this long while I have
not eaten fish!" and chose himself a large fat fish, saying, "When the
captain cometh back, I will bid him fry it for me, so I may dine on
it." Then he cut its throat with a knife he had with him, but the
knife stuck in its gills, and there he saw the King's signet ring, for
the fish had swallowed it and Destiny had driven it to that island,
where it had fallen into the net. He took the ring and drew it on
his little finger, not knowing its peculiar properties. Presently up
came two of the cook's boys in quest of fish, and seeing Abu Sir, said
to him, "O man, whither is the captain gone?" "I know not," said he,
and signed to them with his right hand, when, behold, the heads of
both underlings dropped off from between their shoulders. At this
Abu Sir was amazed and said, "Would I wot who slew them!"

And their case was grievous to him, and he was still pondering it
when the captain suddenly returned, and seeing the mound of fishes and
two man lying dead and the seal ring on Abu Sir's finger, said to him:
"O my brother, move not thy hand whereon is the signet ring, else thou
wilt kill me." Abu Sir wondered at this speech and kept his hand
motionless, whereupon the captain came up to him and said, "Who slew
these two men?" "By Allah, O my brother, I wot not!" "Thou sayest
sooth, but tell me, whence hadst thou that ring?" "I found it in
this fish's gills." "True," said the captain, "for I saw it fall
flashing from the King's palace and disappear in the sea, what time he
signed toward thee, saying, 'Cast him in.' So I cast the sack into the
water, and it was then that the ring slipped from his finger and
fell into the sea, where this fish swallowed it, and Allah drave it to
thee, so that thou madest it thy prey, for this ring was thy lot.
But kennest thou its property?"

Said Abu Sir, "I knew not that it had any properties peculiar to
it," and the captain said: "Learn, then, that the King's troops obey
him not save for fear of this signet ring, because it is spelled,
and when he was wroth with anyone and had a mind to kill he would sign
at him therewith and his head would drop from between his shoulders,
for there issued a flash of lightning from the ring and its ray
smote the object of his wrath, who died forthright." At this, Abu
Sir rejoiced with exceeding joy and said to the captain, "Carry me
back to the city," and he said, "That will I, now that I no longer
fear for thee from the King, for wert thou to sip at him with thy
hand, purposing to kill him, his head would fall down between thy
hands. And if thou be minded to slay him and all his host, thou
mayst slaughter them without let or hindrance."

So saying, he embarked him in the boat and bore him back to the
city, so Abu Sir landed, and going up to the palace, entered the
council chamber, where he found the King seated facing his officers,
in sore cark and care by reason of the seal ring and daring not tell
any of his folk anent its loss. When he saw Abu Sir, he said to him:
"Did we not cast thee into the sea? How hast thou contrived to come
forth of it?" Abu Sir replied: "O King of the Age, whenas thou
badest throw me into the sea, thy captain carried me to an island
and asked me of the cause of thy wrath against me, saying, 'What
hast thou done with the King, that he should decree thy death?' I
answered, 'By Allah, I know not that I have wrought him any wrong!'
Quoth he: 'Thou wast high in rank with the King, and haply someone
envied thee and threw out certain hints concerning thee to him, so
that he is become incensed against thee. But when I visited thee in
thy hammam, thou entreatedst me honorably, and I will requite thee thy
hospitality to me by setting thee free and sending thee back to
thine own land.' Then he set a great stone in the sack in my stead and
cast it into the seat, but when thou signedst to him to throw me in,
thy seal ring dropped from thy finger into the main, and a fish
swallowed it.

"Now I was on the island a-fishing, and this fish came up in the net
with others, whereupon I took it, intending to broil it. But when I
opened its belly, I found the signet ring therein, so I took it and
put it on my finger. Presently up came two of the servants of the
kitchen, questing fish, and I signed to them with my hand, knowing
not the property of the seal ring, and their heads fell off. Then
the captain came back, and seeing the ring on my finger, acquainted me
with its spell. And, behold, I have brought it back to thee, for
that thou dealtest kindly by me and entreatedst me with the utmost
honor, nor is that which thou hast done me of kindness lost upon me.
Here is thy ring, take it! But an I have done with thee aught
deserving of death, tell me my crime and slay me and thou shalt be
absolved of sin in shedding my blood."

So saying, he pulled the ring from his finger and gave it to the
King, who, seeing Abu Sir's noble conduct, took the ring and put it on
and felt life return to him afresh. Then he rose to his feet, and
embracing the barber, said to him: "O man, thou art indeed of the
flower of the well-born! Blame me not, but forgive me the wrong I have
done thee. Had any but thou gotten hold of this ring, he had never
restored it to me." Answered Abu Sir: "O King of the Age, an thou
wouldst have me forgive thee, tell me what was my fault which drew
down thine anger upon me, so that thou commandedst to do me die."
Rejoined the King: "By Allah, 'tis clear to me that thou art free
and guiltless in all things of offense, since thou hast done this good
deed. Only the dyer denounced thee to me in such and such words,"
and he told him all that Abu Kir had said. Abu Sir replied: "By Allah,
O King of the Age, I know no King of the Nazarenes, nor during my days
have ever journeyed to a Christian country, nor did it ever come
into my mind to kill thee. But this dyer was my comrade and neighbor
in the city of Alexandria, where life was straitened upon us.
Therefore we departed thence, to seek our fortunes, by reason of the
narrowness of our means at home, after we had recited the opening
chapter of the Koran together, pledging ourselves that he who got work
should feed him who lacked work. And there befell me with him
such-and-such things."

Then he went on to relate to the King all that had betided him
with Abu Kir the dyer: how he had robbed him of his dirhams and had
left him alone and sick in the khan closet, and how the door keeper
had fed him of his own moneys till Allah recovered him of his
sickness, when he went forth and walked about the city with his
budget, as was his wont, till his espied a dyery, about which the folk
were crowding; so he looked at the door, and seeing Abu Kir seated
on a bench there, went in to salute him, whereupon he accused him of
being a thief and beat him a grievous beating- brief, he told him his
whole tale, from first to last, and added: "O King of the Age, 'twas
he who counseled me to make the depilatory and present it to thee,
saying: 'The hammam is perfect in all things but that it lacketh
this.' And know, O King of the Age, that this drug is harmless and
we use it in our land, where 'tis one of the requisites bath, but I
had forgotten it. So when the dyer visited the hammam, I entreated him
with honor and he reminded me of it, and enjoined me to make it
forthwith. But do thou send after the porter of such a khan and the
workmen of the dyery and question them all of that which I have told
thee."

Accordingly the King sent for them and questioned them one and all
and they acquainted him with the truth of the matter. Then he summoned
the dyer, saying, "Bring him barefooted, bareheaded, and with elbows
pinioned!" Now he was sitting in his house, rejoicing in Abu Sir's
death, but ere he could be ware, the King's guards rushed in upon
him and cuffed him on the nape, after which they bound him and bore
him into the presence, where he saw Abu Sir seated by the King's
side and the doorkeeper of the khan and workmen of the dyery
standing before him. Quoth the doorkeeper to him: "Is not this thy
comrade whom thou robbedst of his silvers and leftest with me sick
in the closet doing such-and-such by him?" And the workmen said to
him, "Is not this he whom thou badest us seize and beat?" Therewith
Abu Kir's baseness was made manifest to the King, and he was certified
that he merited torture yet sorer than the torments of Munkar and
Nakir. So he said to his guards: "Take him and parade him about the
city and the markets; then set him in a sack and cast him into the
sea." Whereupon quoth Abu Sir: "O King of the Age, accept my
intercession for him, for I pardon him all he hath done with me."
But quoth the King: "An thou pardon him all his offenses against thee,
I cannot pardon him his offenses against me." And he cried out,
saying, "Take him."

So they took him and paraded him about the city, after which they
set him in a sack with quicklime and cast him into the sea, and he
died, drowned and burnt. Then said the King to the barber, "O Abu Sir,
ask of me what thou wilt and it shall be given thee." And he answered,
saying, "I ask of thee to send me back to my own country, for I care
no longer to tarry here." Then the King gifted him great store of
gifts, over and above that which he had whilom bestowed on him, and
amongst the rest a galleon freighted with goods. And the crew of
this galleon were Mamelukes, so he gave him these also, after offering
to make him his Wazir, whereto the barber consented not. Presently
he farewelled the King and set sail in his own ship manned by his
own crew, nor did he cast anchor till he reached Alexandria and made
fast to the shore there. They landed, and one of his Mamelukes, seeing
a sack on the beach, said to Abu Sir: "O my lord, there is a great
heavy sack on the seashore, with the mouth tied up, and I know not
what therein."

So Abu Sir came up, and opening the sack, found therein the
remains of Abu Kir, which the sea had borne thither. He took it forth,
and burying it near Alexandria, built over the grave a place of
visitation. After this Abu Sir abode awhile, till Allah took him to
Himself, and they buried him hard by the tomb of his comrade Abu
Kir, wherefore that place was called Abu Kir and Abu Sir, but it is
now known as Abu Kir only. This, then, is that which hath reached us
of their history, and glory be to Him Who endureth forever and aye and
by Whose will enterchange the night and the day.

And of the stories they tell is one anent

                 THE SLEEPER AND THE WAKER


IT hath reached me, O auspicious King, that there was once at
Baghdad, in the caliphate of Harun al-Rashid, a man and a merchant who
had a son Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a by name. The merchant died leaving
great store of wealth to his heir, who divided it into two equal
parts, whereof he laid up one and spent of the other half. And he fell
to companying with Persians and with the sons of the merchants, and he
gave himself up to good drinking and good eating till all the wealth
he had with him was wasted and wantoned. Whereupon he betook himself
to his friends and comrades and cup companions and expounded to them
his case, discovering to them the failure of that which was in his
hand of wealth. But not one of them took heed of him or even deigned
answer him.

So he returned to his mother (and indeed his spirit was broken)
and related to her that which had happened to him and what had
befallen him from his friends, how they had neither shared with him
nor requited him with speech. Quoth she: "O Abu al-Hasan, on this wise
are the sons of this time: And thou have aught, they draw thee near to
them, and if thou have naught, they put thee away from them." And
she went on to condole with him, what while he bewailed himself and
his tears flowed and he repeated these lines:

   "An wane my wealth, no man will succor me,
   When my wealth waxeth all men friendly show.
   How many a friend for wealth showed friendliness
   Who, when my wealth departed, turned to foe!"

Then he sprang up, and going to the place wherein was the other half
of his goods, took it and lived with it well. And he sware that he
would never again consort with a single one of those he had known, but
would company only with the stranger, nor entertain even him but one
night, and that when it morrowed, he would never know him more.
Accordingly he fell to sitting every eventide on the bridge over
Tigris and looking at each one who passed by him. And if he saw him to
be a stranger, he made friends with him and carried him to his
house, where he conversed and caroused with him all night till
morning. Then he dismissed him, and would never more salute him with
the salaam nor ever more drew near unto him, neither invited him
again.

Thus he continued to do for the space of a full year, till one day
while he sat on the bridge, as was his wont, expecting who should come
to him so he might take him and pass the night with him, behold, up
came the Caliph and Masrur, the Sworder of his vengeance, disguised in
merchants' dress, according to their custom. So Abu al-Hasan looked at
them, and rising, because he knew them not, asked them: "What say
ye? Will ye go with me to my dwelling place, so ye may eat what is
ready and drink what is at hand; to wit, platter bread and meat cooked
and wine strained?" The Caliph refused this, but he conjured him and
said to him: "Allah upon thee, O my lord. Go with me, for thou art
my guest this night, and balk not my hopes of thee!" And he ceased not
to press him till he consented, whereat Abu al-Hasan rejoiced, and
walking on before him, gave not over talking with him till they came
to his house and he carried the Caliph into the saloon.

Al-Rashid entered a hall such as an thou sawest it and gazedst
upon its walls, thou hadst beheld marvels, and hadst thou looked
narrowly at its water conduits, thou wouldst have seen a fountain
cased with gold. The Caliph made his man abide at the door, and as
soon as he was seated, the host brought him somewhat to eat. So he
ate, and Abu al-Hasan ate with him, that eating might be grateful to
him. Then he removed the tray and they washed their hands and the
Commander of the Faithful sat down again. Whereupon Abu al-Hasan set
on the drinking vessels, and seating himself by his side, fell to
filling and giving him to drink and entertaining him with discourse.
And when they had drunk their sufficiency the host called for a
slave girl like a branch of ban, who took a lute and sang to it
these two couplets:

    "O thou aye dwelling in my heart,
    Whileas thy form is far from sight,
    Thou art my sprite by me unseen,
    Yet nearest near art thou, my sprite."

His hospitality pleased the Caliph, and the goodliness of his
manners, and he said to him: "O youth, who art thou? Make me
acquainted with thyself, so I may requite thee thy kindness." But
Abu al-Hasan smiled and said: 'O my lord, far be it, alas! that what
is past should again come to pass and that I company with thee at
other time than this time!" The Prince of True Believers asked: "Why
so? And why wilt thou not acquaint me with thy case?" and Abu al-Hasan
answered, "Know, O my lord, that my story is strange and that there is
a cause for this affair." Quoth Al-Rashid, "And what is the cause?"
and quoth he, "The cause hath a tail." The Caliph laughed at his words
and Abu al-Hasan said, "I will explain to thee this saying by the tale
of the larrikin and the cook. So hear thou, O my lord, the
STORY

          STORY OF THE LARRIKIN AND THE COOK"


ONE of the ne'er do-wells found himself one fine morning without
aught, and the world was straitened upon him and patience failed
him. So he lay down to sleep, and ceased not slumbering till the sun
stang him and the foam came out upon his mouth, whereupon he arose,
and he was penniless and had not even so much as a single dirham.
Presently he arrived at the shop of a cook, who had set his pots and
pans over the fire and washed his saucers and wiped his scales and
swept his shop and sprinkled it. And indeed his fats and oils were
clear and clarified and his spices fragrant, and he himself stood
behind his cooking pots ready to serve customers. So the larrikin,
whose wits had been sharpened by hunger, went in to him and saluting
him, said to him, "Weigh me half a dirham's worth of meat and a
quarter of a dirham's worth of boiled grain, and the like of bread."
So the kitchener weighed it out to him and the good-for-naught entered
the shop, whereupon the man set the food before him and he ate till he
had gobbled up the whole and licked the saucers and sat perplexed,
knowing not how he should do with the cook concerning the price of
that he had eaten, and turning his eyes about upon everything in the
shop.

And as he looked, behold, he caught sight of an earthen pan lying
arsy-versy upon its mouth, so he raised it from the ground and found
under it a horse's tail, freshly cut off and the blood oozing from it,
whereby he knew that the cook adulterated his meat with horseflesh.
When he discovered this default, he rejoiced therein, and washing
his hands, bowed his head and went out. And when the kitchener saw
that he went and gave him naught, he cried out, saying, "Stay, O pest,
O burglar!" So the larrikin stopped and said to him, "Dost thou cry
out upon me and call to me with these words, O comute?" Whereat the
cook was angry, and coming down from the shop, cried: "What meanest
thou by thy speech, O low fellow, thou that devourest meat and
millet and bread and kitchen and goest forth with 'the peace be on
thee!' as it were the thing had not been and down naught for it?"
Quoth the lackpenny, "Thou liest, O accursed son of a cuckold!"
Whereupon the cook cried out, and laying hold of his debtor's
collar, said, "O Moslems, this fellow is my first customer this day,
and he hath eaten my food and given me naught."

So the folk gathered about them and blamed the ne'er-do-well and
said to him, "Give him the price of that which thou hast eaten." Quoth
he, "I gave him a dirham before I entered the shop," and quoth the
cook: "Be everything I sell this day forbidden to me, if he gave me so
much as the name of a coin! By Allah, he gave me naught, but ate my
food and went out and would have made off, without aught said."
Answered the larrikin, "I gave thee a dirham," and he reviled the
kitchener, who returned his abuse, whereupon he dealt him a buffet and
they gripped and grappled and throttled each other. When the folk
saw them fighting, they came up to them and asked them, "What is
this strife between you, and no cause for it?" and the lackpenny
answered, "Ay, by Allah, but there is a cause for it, and the cause
hath a tail!" Whereupon cried the cook: "Yea, by Allah, now thou
mindest me of thyself and thy dirham! Yes, he gave me a dirham, and
but a quarter of the coin is spent. Come back and take the rest of the
price of thy dirham." For he understood what was to do, at the mention
of the tail.

"And I, O my brother," added Abu al-Hasan, "my story hath a cause,
which I will tell thee." The Caliph laughed at his speech and said:
"By Allah, this is none other than a pleasant tale! Tell me thy
story and the cause."

Replied the host: "With love and goodly gree! Know, O my lord,
that my name is Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a and that my father died and
left me abundant wealth, of which I made two parts. One I laid up, and
with the other I betook myself to enjoying the pleasures of friendship
and conviviality and consorting with intimates and boon companions and
the sons of the merchants, nor did I leave one but I caroused with him
and he with me. And I lavished all my money on comrades and good
cheer, till there remained with me naught. Whereupon I betook myself
to the friends and fellow topers upon whom I wasted my wealth, so
perhaps they might provide for my case, but when I visited them and
went round about to them all, I found no vantage in one of them, nor
would any so much as break a bittock of bread in my face. So I wept
for myself, and repairing to my mother, complained to her of my
case. Quoth she: 'Such are friends. An thou have aught, they
frequent thee and devour thee, but an thou have naught, they cast thee
off and chase thee away.' Then I brought out the other half of my
money and bound myself by an oath that I would never more entertain
any save one single night, after which I would never again salute
him nor notice him. Hence my saying to thee: 'Far be it, alas! that
what is past should again come to pass, for I will never again company
with thee after this night."'

When the Commander of the Faithful heard this, he laughed a loud
laugh and said: "By Allah, O my brother, thou art indeed excused in
this matter, now that I know the cause and that the cause hath a tail.
Nevertheless, Inshallah, I will not sever myself from thee." Replied
Abu al-Hasan: "O my guest, did I not say to thee, 'Far be it, alas!
that what is past should again come to pass?' For indeed I will
never again forgather with any!" Then the Caliph rose and the host set
before him a dish of roast goose and a bannock of first bread, and
sitting down, fell to cutting off morsels and morseling the Caliph
therewith. They gave not over eating till they were filled, when Abu
al-Hasan brought basin and ewer and potash and they washed their
hands. Then he lighted three wax candles and three lamps, and
spreading the drinking cloth, brought strained wine, clear, old, and
fragrant, whose scent was as that of virgin musk. He filled the
first cup and saying, "O my boon companion, be ceremony laid aside
between us by thy leave! Thy slave is by thee, may I not be
afflicted with thy loss!" drank if off and filled a second cup,
which he handed to the Caliph with due reverence.

His fashion pleased the Commander of the Faithful, and the
goodliness of his speech, and he said to himself, "By Allah, I will
assuredly requite him for this!" Then Abu al-Hasan filled the cup
again and handed it to the Cahph, reciting these two couplets:

  "Had we thy coming known, we would for sacrifice
  Have poured thee out heart's blood or blackness of the eyes.
  Ay, and we would have spread our bosoms in thy way,
  That so thy feet might fare on eyelids, carpet-wise."

When the Caliph heard his verses, he took the cup from his hand and
kissed it and drank it off and returned it to Abu al-Hasan, who made
him an obeisance and filled and drank. Then he filled again, and
kissing the cup thrice, recited these lines:

    "Your presence honoreth the base,
    And we confess the deed of grace.
    An you absent yourself from us,
    No freke we find to fill your place."

Then he gave the cup to the Caliph, saying: "Drink it in health
and soundness! It doeth away malady and bringeth remedy and setteth
the runnels of health to flow free." So they ceased not carousing
and conversing till middle night, when the Caliph said to his host, "O
my brother, hast thou in thy heart a concupiscence thou wouldst have
accomplished, or a contingency thou wouldst avert?" Said he: "By
Allah, there is no regret in my heart save that I am not empowered
with bidding and forbidding, so I might manage what is in my mind!"
Quoth the Commander of the Faithful, "By Allah, and again by Allah,
O my brother, tell me what is in thy mind!" And quoth Abu al-Hasan:
"Would Heaven I might be Caliph for one day and avenge myself on my
neighbors, for that in my vicinity is a mosque, and therein four
sheikhs, who hold it a grievance when there cometh a guest to me,
and they trouble me with talk and worry me in words and menace me that
they will complain of me to the Prince of True Believers, and indeed
they oppress me exceedingly. And I crave of Allah the Most High
power for one day, that I may beat each and every of them with four
hundred lashes, as well as the imam of the mosque, and parade them
round about the city of Baghdad and bid cry before them: 'This is
the reward and the least of the reward of whoso exceedeth in talk
and vexeth the folk and turneth their joy to annoy.' This is what I
wish, and no more."

Said the Caliph: "Allah grant thee that thou seekest! Let us crack
one last cup and rise ere the dawn draw near, and, tomorrow night I
will be with thee again." Said Abu al-Hasan, "Far be it!" Then the
Caliph crowned a cup, and putting therein a piece of Cretan bhang,
gave it to his host and said to him, "My life on thee, O my brother,
drink this cup from my hand!" and Abu al-Hasan answered, "Ay, by thy
life, I will drink it from thy hand." So he took it and drank it
off, but hardly had it settled in his stomach when his head forewent
his heels and he fell to the ground like one slain. Whereupon the
Caliph went out and said to his slave Masrur: "Go in to yonder young
man, the housemaster, and take him up and bring him to me at the
palace. And when thou goest out, shut the door." So saying, he went
away, whilst Masrur entered, and taking up Abu al-Hasan, shut the door
behind him, and made after his master till he reached with him the
palace what while the night drew to an end and the cocks began
crowing, and set him down before the Commander of the Faithful, who
laughed at him.

Then he sent for Ja'afar the Barmecide and when he came before
him, said to him, "Note thou yonder young man," pointing to Abu
al-Hasan, "and when thou shalt see him tomorrow seated in my place
of estate and on the throne of my caliphate and clad in my royal
clothing, stand thou in attendance upon him, and enjoin the emirs
and grandees and the folk of my household and the officers of my realm
to be upon their feet, as in his service, and obey him in whatso he
shall bid them do. And thou, if he speak to thee of aught, do it,
and hearken unto his say and gainsay him not in anything during this
coming day." Ja'afar acknowledged the order with "Hearkening and
obedience" and withdrew, whilst the Prince of True Believers went in
to the palace women, who came up to him, and he said to them: "When
this sleeper shall awake tomorrow, kiss ye the ground between his
hands, and do ye wait upon him and gather round about him and clothe
him in the royal clothing and serve him with the service of the
caliphate, and deny not aught of his estate, but say to him, 'Thou art
the Caliph."' Then he taught them what they should say to him and
how they should do with him, and withdrawing to a retired room, let
down a curtain before himself and slept.

Thus fared it with the Caliph, but as regards Abu al-Hasan, he
gave not over snoring in his sleep till the day brake clear and the
rising of the sun drew near, when a woman in waiting came up to him
and said to him, "O our lord, the morning prayer!" Hearing these
words, he laughed, and opening his eyes, turned them about the
palace and found himself in an apartment whose walls were Painted with
gold and lapis lazuli and its ceiling dotted and starred with red
gold. Around it were sleeping chambers with curtains of
gold-embroidered silk let down over their doors, and all about vessels
of gold and porcelain and crystal and furniture and carpets dispread
and lamps burning before the niche wherein men prayed, and slave girls
and eunuchs and Mamelukes and black slaves and boys and pages and
attendants.

When he saw this, he was bewildered in his wit and said: "By Allah
either I am dreaming a dream, or this is Paradise and the Abode of
Peace!" And he shut his eyes and would have slept again. Quoth one
of the eunuchs, "O my lord, this is not of thy wont, O Commander of
the Faithful!" Then the rest of the handmaids of the palace came up to
him and lifted him into a sitting posture, when he found himself
upon a mattress raised a cubit's height from the ground and all
stuffed with floss silk. So they seated him upon it and propped his
elbow with a pillow, and he looked at the apartment and its vastness
and saw those eunuchs and slave girls in attendance upon him and
standing about his head, whereupon he laughed at himself and said, "By
Allah, 'tis not as I were on wake, yet I am not asleep!" And in his
perplexity he bowed his chin upon his bosom, and then opened his eyes,
little by little, smiling, and saying, "What is this state wherein I
find myself?" Then he arose and sat up, whilst the damsels laughed
at him privily, and he was bewildered in his wit, and bit his
finger, and as the bite pained him, he cried "Oh!" and was vexed.
And the Caliph watched him whence he saw him not, and laughed.

Presently Abu al-Hasan turned to a damsel and called to her,
whereupon she answered, "At thy service, O Prince of True
Believers!" Quoth he, "What is thy name?" and quoth she, "Shajarat
al-Durr." Then he said to her, "By the protection of Allah, O
damsel, am I Commander of the Faithful?" She replied, "Yes, indeed, by
the protection of Allah thou in this time art Commander of the
Faithful." Quoth he, "By Allah, thou liest, O thousandfold whore!"
Then he glanced at the chief eunuch and called to him, whereupon he
came to him and kissing the ground before him, said, "Yes, O Commander
of the Faithful." Asked Abu al-Hasan, "Who is Commander of the
Faithful?" and the eunuch answered "Thou." And Abu al-Hasan said,
"Thou Hest, thousandfold he-whore that thou art!" Then he turned to
another eunuch and said to him, "O my chief, by the protection of
Allah, am I Prince of the True Believers?" Said he: "Ay, by Allah, O
my lord, thou art in this time Commander of the Faithful and
Viceregent of the Lord of the Three Worlds."

Abu al-Hasan laughed at himself and doubted of his reason and was
bewildered at what he beheld, and said: "In one night do I become
Caliph? Yesterday I was Abu al-Hasan the Wag, and today I am Commander
of the Faithful." Then the Chief Eunuch came up to him and said: "O
Prince of True Believers (the name of Allah encompass thee!), thou art
indeed Commander of the Faithful and Viceregent of the Lord of the
Three Worlds!" And the slave girls and eunuchs flocked round about
him, till he arose and abode wondering at his case. Hereupon the
eunuch brought him a pair of sandals wrought with raw silk and green
silk and purfled with red gold, and he took them and after examining
them, set them in his sleeve. Whereat the castrato cried out and said:
"Allah! Allah! O my lord, these are sandals for the treading of thy
feet, so thou mayst wend to the wardrobe." Abu al-Hasan was
confounded, and shaking the sandals from his sleeve, put them on his
feet, whilst the Caliph died of laughter at him. The slave forewent
him to the chapel of ease, where he entered, and doing his job, came
out into the chamber, whereupon the slave girls brought him a basin of
gold and a ewer of silver and poured water on his hands, and he made
the wuzu ablution. Then they spread him a prayer carpet and he prayed.

Now he knew not how to pray, and gave not over bowing and
prostrating for twenty inclinations, pondering in himself the while
and saying: "By Allah, I am none other than the Commander of the
Faithful in very truth! This is assuredly no dream, for all these
things happen not in a dream." And he was convinced and determined
in himself that he was Prince of True Believers, so he pronounced
the salaam and finished his prayers, whereupon the Mamelukes and slave
girls came round about him with bundled suits of silken and linen
stuffs and clad him in the costume of the caliphate and gave the royal
dagger in his hand.

Then the chief eunuch came in and said, "O Prince of True Believers,
the Chamberlain is at the door craving permission to enter." Said
he, "Let him enter!" whereupon he came in, and after kissing ground,
offered the salutation, "Peace be upon thee, O Commander of the
Faithful!" At this Abu al-Hasan rose and descended from the couch to
the floor, whereupon the official exclaimed: "Allah! Allah! O Prince
of True Believers, wottest thou not that all men are thy lieges and
under thy rule and that it is not meet for the Caliph to rise to any
man?" Presently the eunuch went out before him, and the little white
slaves behind him, and they ceased not going till they raised the
curtain and brought him into the hall of judgment and the throne
room of the caliphate. There he saw all curtains and the forty doors
and Al-'Ijli and Al-Rakashi the poet, and 'Ibdan and Jadim and Abu
Ishak the cup companion, and beheld swords drawn and the lions
compassing the throne as the white of the eye encircleth the black,
and gilded glaives and death-dealing bows and Ajams and Arabs and
Turks and Daylamites and folk and peoples and emirs and wazirs and
captains and grandees and lords of the land and men of war in band,
and in very sooth there appeared the might of the House of Abbas and
the majesty of the Prophet's family.

So he sat down upon the throne of the caliphate and set the dagger
on his lap, whereupon all present came up to kiss ground between his
hands and called down on him length of life and continuance of weal.
Then came forward Ja'afar the Barmecide and, kissing the ground, said:
"Be the wide world of Allah the treading of thy feet, and may Paradise
be thy dwelling place and the fire the home of thy foes! Never may
neighbor defy thee, nor the lights of fire die out for thee, O
Caliph of all cities and ruler of all countries!" Therewithal Abu
al-Hasan cried out at him and said, "O dog of the sons of Barmak, go
down forthright, thou and the chief of the city police, to such a
place in such a street, and deliver a hundred dinars of gold to the
mother of Abu al-Hasan the Wag, and bear her my salutation. Then go to
such a mosque and take the four Sheikhs and the imam and scourge
each of them with a thousand lashes and mount them on beasts, face
to tail, and parade them round about all the city and banish them to a
place other than this city. And bid the crier make cry before them,
saying: 'This is the reward and the least of the reward of whoso
multiplieth words and molesteth his neighbors and damageth their
delights and stinteth their eating and drinking!'"

Ja'afar received the command and answered "With obedience," after
which he went down from before Abu al-Hasan to the city and did all he
had ordered him to do. Meanwhile, Abu al-Hasan abode in the caliphate,
taking and giving, bidding and forbidding and carrying out his command
till the end of the day, when he gave leave and permission to
withdraw, and the emirs and officers of state departed to their
several occupations and he looked toward the Chamberlain and the
rest of the attendants and said, "Begone!" Then the eunuchs came to
him, and calling down on him length of life and continuance of weal,
walked in attendance upon him and raised the curtain, and he entered
the pavilion of the harem, where he found candles lighted and lamps
burning and singing women smiting on instruments, and ten slave girls,
high-bosomed maids. When he saw this, he was confounded in his wit and
said to himself, "By Allah, I am in truth Commander of the
Faithful!" presently adding: "Or haply these are of the Jann, and he
who was my guest yesternight was one of their kings who saw no way
to requite my favors save by commanding his Ifrits to address me as
Prince of True Believers. But an these be of the Jann, may Allah
deliver me in safety from their mischief!"

As soon as he appeared, the slave girls rose to him, and carrying
him up on to the dais, brought him a great tray bespread with the
richest viands. So he ate thereof with all his might and main, till he
had gotten his fill, when he called one of the handmaids and said to
her, "What is thy name?" Replied she, "My name is Miskah," and he said
to another, "What is thy name?" Quoth she, "My name is Tarkah." Then
he asked a third, "What is thy name?" who answered, "My name is
Tohfah." And he went on to question the damsels of their names, one
after other, till he had learned the ten, when he rose from that place
and removed to the wine chamber. He found it every way complete, and
saw therein ten great trays, covered with all fruits and cates and
every sort of sweetmeats. So he sat down and ate thereof after the
measure of his competency, and finding there three troops of singing
girls, was amazed, and made the girls eat.

Then he sat and the singers also seated themselves, whilst the black
slaves and the white slaves and the eunuchs and pages and boys
stood, and of the slave girls some sat and others stood. The damsels
sang and warbled all varieties of melodies and the place rang with the
sweetness of the songs, whilst the pipes cried out and the lutes
with them wailed, till it seemed to Abu al-Hasan that he was in
Paradise, and his heart was heartened and his breast broadened. So
he sported, and joyaunce grew on him and he bestowed robes of honor on
the damsels and gave and bestowed, challenging this girl and kissing
that and toying with a third, plying one with wine and morseling
another with meat, till nightfall.

All this while the Commander of the Faithful was diverting himself
with watching him and laughing, and when night fell he bade one of the
slave girls drop a piece of bhang in the cup and give it to Abu
al-Hasan to drink. So she did his bidding and gave him the cup,
which no sooner had he drunk than his head forewent his feet.
Therewith the Caliph came forth from behind the curtain laughing,
and calling to the attendant who had brought Abu al-Hasan to the
palace, said to him, "Carry this man to his own place." So Masrur took
him up, and carrying him to his own house, set him down in the saloon.
Then he went forth from him, and shutting the saloon door upon him,
returned to the Caliph, who slept till the morrow.

As for Abu al-Hasan, he gave not over slumbering till Almighty Allah
brought on the morning, when he recovered from the drug and awoke,
crying out and saying: "Ho, Tuffahah! Ho, Rahat al-Kulub! Ho,
Miskah! Ho, Tohfah!" And he ceased not calling upon the palace
handmaids till his mother heard him summoning strange damsels, and
rising, came to him and said: "Allah's name encompass thee! Up with
thee, O my son, O Abu al-Hasan! Thou dreamest." So he opened his eyes,
and finding an old woman at his head, raised his eyes and said to her,
"Who art thou?" Quoth she, "I am thy mother," and quoth he: "Thou
liest! I am the Commander of the Faithful the Viceregent of Allah."
Whereupon his mother shrieked aloud and said to him: "Heaven
preserve thy reason! Be silent, O my son, and cause not the loss of
our lives and the wasting of thy wealth, which will assuredly befall
us if any hear this talk and carry it to the Caliph."

So he rose from his sleep, and finding himself in his own saloon and
his mother by him, had doubts of his wit, and said to her: "By
Allah, O my mother, I saw myself in a dream in a palace, with slave
girls and Mamelukes about me and in attendance upon me, and I sat upon
the throne of the Caliphate and ruled. By Allah, O my mother, this
is what I saw, and in very sooth it was no dream!" Then he bethought
himself awhile and said: "Assuredly, I am Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, and
this that I saw was only a dream when I was made Caliph and bade and
forbade." Then he bethought himself again and said: "Nay, but 'twas
not a dream, and I am none other than the Caliph, and indeed I gave
gifts and bestowed honor robes." Quoth his mother to him: "O my son,
thou sportest with thy reason. Thou wilt go to the madhouse and become
a gazingstock. Indeed, that which thou hast seen is only from the Foul
Fiend, and it was an imbroglio of dreams, for at times Satan
sporteth with men's wits in all manner of ways."

Then said she to him, "O my son, was there anyone with thee
yesternight?" And he reflected and said: "Yes, one lay the night
with me and I acquainted him with my case and told him my tale.
Doubtless, he was of the devils, and I, O my mother, even as thou
sayst truly, am Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a." She rejoined: "O my son,
rejoice in tidings of all good, for yesterday's record is that there
came the Wazir Ja'afar the Barmecide and his many, and beat the
Sheikhs of the mosque and the imam, each a thousand lashes, after
which they paraded them round about the city, making proclamation
before them and saying, 'This is the reward and the least of the
reward of whoso faileth in goodwill to his neighbors and troubleth
on them their lives!' And he banished them from Baghdad. Moreover, the
Caliph sent me a hundred dinars and sent to salute me."

Whereupon Abu al-Hasan cried out and said to her: "O ill-omened
crone, wilt thou contradict me and tell me that I am not the Prince of
True Believers? 'Twas I who commanded Ja'afar the Barmecide to beat
the Sheikhs and parade them about the city and make proclamation
before them, and 'twas I, very I, who sent thee the hundred dinars and
sent to salute thee, and I, O beldam of ill luck, am in very deed
the Commander of the Faithful, and thou art a liar, who would make
me out an idiot." So saying, he rose up and fell upon her and beat her
with a staff of almond wood, till she cried out "Help, O Moslems!" And
he increased the beating upon her till the folk heard her cries, and
coming to her, found Abu al-Hasan bashing his mother and saying to
her: "Old woman of ill omen, am I not the Commander of the Faithful?
Thou hast ensorceled me!" When the folk heard his words, they said,
"This man raveth," and doubted not of his madness.

So they came in upon him, and seizing him, pinioned his elbows,
and bore him to the bedlam. Quoth the superintendant, "What aileth
this youth?" and quoth they, "This is a madman, afflicted of the
Jinn." "By Allah," cried Abu al-Hasan, "they lie against me! I am no
madman, but the Commander of the Faithful." And the superintendent
answered him, saying, "None lieth but thou, O foulest of the
Jinn-maddened!" Then he stripped him of his clothes, and clapping on
his neck a heavy chain, bound him to a high lattice and fell to
beating him two bouts a day and two a-nights, and he ceased not
abiding on this wise the space of ten days. Then his mother came to
him and said: "O my son, O Abu al-Hasan, return to thy right reason,
for this is the Devil's doing." Quoth he: "Thou sayest sooth, O my
mother, and bear thou witness of me that I repeat me of that talk
and turn me from my madness. So do thou deliver me, for I am nigh upon
death." Accordingly his mother went out to the superintendent and
procured his release, and he returned to his own house.

Now this was at the beginning of the month, and when it ended, Abu
al-Hasan longed to drink liquor and, returning to his former habit,
furnished his saloon and made ready food and bade bring wine. Then,
going forth to the bridge, he sat there, expecting one whom he
should converse and carouse with, according to his custom. As he sat
thus, behold, up came the Caliph and Masrur to him, but Abu al-Hasan
saluted them not and said to Al-Rashid, "No friendly welcome to
thee, O King of the Jann!" Quoth Al-Rashid, "What have I done to
thee?" and quoth Abu al-Hasan, "What more couldst thou do than what
thou hast done to me, O foulest of the Jann? I have been beaten and
thrown into bedlam, where all said I was Jinn-mad, and this was caused
by none save thyself. I brought thee to my house and fed thee with
my best, after which thou dist empower thy Satans and Marids to
disport themselves with my wits from morning to evening. So avaunt and
aroynt thee and wend thy ways!"

The Caliph smiled and, seating himself by his side, said to him,
"O my brother, did I not tell thee that I would return to thee?" Quoth
Abu al-Hasan, "I have no need of thee, and as the byword sayeth in
verse:


"Fro' my friend, 'twere meeter and wiser to part,

For what eye sees not born shall ne'er sorrow heart."

And indeed, O my brother, the night thou camest to me and we conversed
and caroused together, I and thou, 'twas as if the Devil came to me
and troubled me that night." Asked the Caliph, "And who is he, the
Devil?" and answered Abu al-Hasan, "He is none other than thou."
Whereat the Caliph laughed and coaxed him and spake him fair,
saying: "O my brother, when I went out from thee, I forgot the door
and left it open, and perhaps Satan came in to thee." Quoth Abu
al-Hasan: "Ask me not of that which hath betided me. What possessed
thee to leave the door open, so that the Devil came in to me and there
befell me with him this and that?" And he related to him all that
had betided him, first and last (and in repetition is no fruition),
what while the Caliph laughed and hid his laughter.

Then said he to Abu al-Hasan: "Praised be Allah who hath done away
from thee whatso irked thee, and that I see thee once more in weal!"
And Abu al-Hasan said: "Never again will I take thee to cup
companion or sitting comrade, for the proverb saith, 'Whoso
stumbleth on a stone and thereto returneth, upon him be blame and
reproach.' And thou, O my brother, nevermore will I entertain thee nor
company with thee, for that I have not found thy heel propitious to
me." But the Caliph coaxed him and said, "I have been the means of thy
winning to thy wish anent the imam and the Sheikhs." Abu al-Hasan
replied, "Thou hast," and Al-Rashid continued, "And haply somewhat may
betide which shall gladden thy heart yet more." Abu al-Hasan asked,
"What dost thou require of me?" and the Commander of the Faithful
answered: "Verily, I am thy guest. Reject not the guest." Quoth Abu
al-Hasan: "On condition that thou swear to me by the characts on the
seal of Solomon, David's son (on the twain be the peace!) that thou
wilt not suffer thine Ifrits to make fun of me." He replied, "To
hear is to obey!"

Whereupon the wag took him and brought him into the saloon and set
food before him and entreated him with friendly speech. Then he told
him all that had befallen him, whilst the Caliph was like to die of
stifled laughter. After which Abu al-Hasan removed the tray of food,
and bringing the wine service, filled a cup and cracked it three
times, then gave it to the Caliph, saying: "O boon companion mine, I
am thy slave, and let not that which I am about to say offend thee,
and be thou not vexed, neither do thou vex me." And he recited these
verses:

  "Hear one that wills thee well! Lips none shall bless
  Save those who drink for drunk and all transgress.
  Ne'er will I cease to swill while night falls dark
  Till lout my forehead low upon my tass.
  In wine like liquid sun is my delight
  Which clears all care and gladdens allegresse."

When the Caliph heard these his verses and saw how apt he was at
couplets, he was delighted with exceeding delight, and taking the cup,
drank it off, and the twain ceased not to converse and carouse till
the wine rose to their heads. Then quoth Abu al-Hasan to the Caliph:
"O boon companion mine, of a truth I am perplexed concerning my
affair, for meseemed I was Commander of the Faithful and ruled and
gave gifts and largess, and in very deed, O my brother, it was not a
dream." Quoth the Caliph, "These were the imbroglios of sleep," and
crumbling a bit of bhang into the cup, said to him, "By my life, do
thou drink this cup," and said Abu al-Hasan, "Surely I will drink it
from thy hand." Then he took the cup and drank it off, and no sooner
had it settled in his stomach than his head fell to the ground
before his feet. Now his manners and fashions pleased the Caliph,
and the excellence of his composition and his frankness, and he said
in himself, "I will assuredly make him my cup companion and sitting
comrade." So he rose forthright, and saying to Masrur, "Take him
up," returned to the palace.

Accordingly, the eunuch took up Abu al-Hasan, and carrying him to
the palace of the caliphate, set him down before Al-Rashid, who bade
the slaves and slave girls compass him about, whilst he himself hid in
a place where Abu al-Hasan could not see him. Then he commanded one of
the handmaidens to take the lute and strike it over the wag's head,
whilst the rest smote upon their instruments. So they played and sang,
till Abu al-Hasan awoke at the last of the night and heard the
symphony of lutes and tambourines and the sound of the flutes and
the singing of the slave girls, whereupon he opened eyes, and
finding himself in the palace, with the handmaids and eunuchs about
him, exclaimed: "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in
Allah, the Glorious, the Great! Come to my help this night, which
meseems more unlucky than the former! Verily, I am fearful of the
madhouse and of that which I suffered therein the first time, and I
doubt not but the Devil is come to me again, as before. O Allah, my
Lord, put thou Satan to shame!" Then he shut his eyes and laid his
head in his sleeve, and fell to laughing softly and raising his head
betimes, but still found the apartment lighted and the girls singing.

Presently one of the eunuchs sat down at his head and said to him,
"Sit up, O Prince of True Believers, and look on thy palace and thy
slave girls." Said Abu al-Hasan: "Under the veil of Allah, am I in
truth Commander of the Faithful, and dost thou not lie? Yesterday I
rode not forth, neither ruled, but drank and slept, and this eunuch
cometh to make me rise." Then he sat up and recalled to thought that
which had betided him with his mother and how he had beaten her and
entered the bedlam, and he saw the marks of the beating wherewith
the superintendant had beaten him, and was perplexed concerning his
affair and pondered in himself, saying, "By Allah, I know not how my
case is nor what is this that betideth me!" Then, gazing at the
scene around him, he said privily, "All these are of the Jann in human
shape, and I commit my case to Allah."

Presently he turned to one of the damsels and said to her, "Who am
I?" Quoth she, "Thou art the Commander of the Faithful," and quoth he:
"Thou liest, O calamity! If I be indeed the Commander of the Faithful,
bite my finger." So she came to him and bit it with all her might, and
he said to her, "It doth suffice." Then he asked the chief eunuch,
"Who am I?" and he answered, "Thou art the Commander of the Faithful."
So he left him and returned to his wonderment. Then, turning to a
little white slave, said to him, "Bite my ear," and he bent his head
low down to him and put his ear to his mouth. Now the Mameluke was
young and lacked sense, so he closed his teeth upon Abu al-Hasan's ear
with all his might, till he came near to sever it. And he knew not
Arabic, so as often as the wag said to him, "It doth suffice," he
concluded that he said, "Bite like a vice," and redoubled his bite and
made his teeth meet in the ear, whilst the damsels were diverted
from him with hearkening to the singing girls, and Abu al-Hasan
cried out for succor from the boy and the Caliph lost his senses for
laughter.

Then he dealt the boy a cuff, and he let go his ear, whereupon all
present fell down with laughter and said to the little Mameluke,
"Art mad that thou bitest the Caliph's ear on this wise?" And Abu
al-Hasan cried to them: "Sufficeth ye not, O ye wretched Jinns, that
which hath befallen me? But the fault is not yours. The fault is of
your chief, who transmewed you from Jinn shape to mortal shape. I seek
refuge against you this night by the Throne Verse and the Chapter of
Sincerity and the Two Preventives!" So saying, the wag put off his
clothes till he was naked, with prickle and breech exposed, and danced
among the slave girls. They bound his hands and he wantoned among
them, while they died of laughing at him and the Caliph swooned away
for excess of laughter.

Then he came to himself, and going forth the curtain to Abu
al-Hasan, said to him: "Out on thee, O Abu al-Hasan! Thou slayest me
with laughter." So he turned to him, and knowing him, said to him, "By
Allah, 'tis thou slayest me and slayest my mother and slewest the
Sheikhs and the imam of the mosque!" After which he kissed ground
before him and prayed for the permanence of his prosperity and the
endurance of his days. The Caliph at once robed him in a rich robe and
gave him a thousand dinars, and presently he took the wag into
especial favor and married him and bestowed largess on him and
lodged him with himself in the palace and made him of the chief of his
cup companions, and indeed he was preferred with him above them, and
the Caliph advanced him over them all, so that he sat with him and the
Lady Zubaydah bint al-Kasim, whose treasuress, Nuzhat al-Fuad hight,
was given to him in marriage.

After this Abu al-Hasan the wag abode with his wife in eating and
drinking and all delight of life, till whatso was with them went the
way of money, when he said to her, "Harkye, O Nuzhat al-Fuad!" Said
she, "At thy service," and he continued, "I have it in mind to play
a trick on the Caliph, and thou shalt do the like with the Lady
Zubaydah, and we will take of them at once, to begin with, two hundred
dinars and two pieces of silk." She rejoined, "As thou willest, but
what thinkest thou to do?" And he said: "We will feign ourselves dead,
and this is the trick. I will die before thee and lay myself out,
and do thou spread over me a silken napkin and loose my turban over me
and tie my toes and lay on my stomach a knife and a little salt.
Then let down thy hair and betake thyself to thy mistress Zubaydah,
tearing thy dress and slapping thy face and crying out. She will ask
thee, 'What aileth thee?' and do thou answer her, 'May thy head
outlive Abu al-Hasan the wag, for he is dead.' She will mourn for me
and weep and bid her new treasuress give thee a hundred dinars and a
piece of silk and will say to thee, 'Go, lay him out and carry him
forth.' So do thou take of her the hundred dinars and the piece of
silk and come back, and when thou returnest to me, I will rise up
and thou shalt lie down in my place, and I will go to the Caliph and
say to him, 'May thy head outlive Nuzhat al-Fuad,' and rend my raiment
and pluck out my beard. He will mourn for thee and say to his
treasurer, 'Give Abu al-Hasan a hundred dinars and a piece of silk.'
Then he will say to me, 'Go, lay her out and carry her forth,' and I
will come back to thee."

Therewith Nuzhat al-Fuad rejoiced and said, "Indeed, this is an
excellent device." Then Abu al-Hasan stretched himself out
forthright and she shut his eyes and tied his feet and covered him
with the napkin and did whatso her lord had bidden her. After which
she tare her gear and bared her head and letting down her hair, went
in to the Lady Zubaydah, crying out and weeping. When the Princess saw
her in this state, she cried: "What plight is this? What is thy story,
and what maketh thee weep?" And Nuzhatal-Fuad answered, weeping and
loud-wailing the while: "O my lady, may thy head live and mayst thou
survive Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, for he is dead!" The Lady Zubaydah
mourned for him and said, "Alas, poor Abu al-Hasan the wag!" and she
shed tears for him awhile. Then she bade her treasuress give Nuzhat
al-Fuad a hundred dinars and a piece of silk and said to her, "O
Nuzhat al-Fuad, go, lay him out and carry him forth."

So she took the hundred dinars and the piece of silk and returned to
her dwelling, rejoicing, and went in to her spouse and acquainted
him what had befallen, whereupon he arose and rejoiced and girdled his
middle and danced and took the hundred dinars and the piece of silk
and laid them up. Then he laid out Nuzhat al-Fuad and did with her
as she had done with him, after which he rent his raiment and
plucked out his beard and disordered his turban and ran out, nor
ceased running till he came in to the Caliph, who was sitting in the
judgment hall, and he in this plight, beating his breast. The Caliph
asked him, "What aileth thee, O Abu al-Hasan?" and he wept and
answered, "Would Heaven thy cup companion had never been, and would
his hour had never come!" Quoth the Caliph, "Tell me thy case," and
quoth Abu al-Hasan, "O my lord, may thy head outlive Nuzhat
al-Fuad!" The Caliph exclaimed, "There is no god but God," and smote
hand upon hand. Then he comforted Abu al-Hasan and said to him,
"Grieve not, for we will bestow upon thee a bedfellow other than she."
And he ordered the treasurer to give him a hundred dinars and a piece
of silk. Accordingly the treasurer did what the Caliph bade him, and
Al-Rashid said to him, "Go, lay her out and carry her forth and make
her a handsome funeral."

So Abu al-Hasan took that which he had given him and returning to
his house, rejoicing, went in to Nuzhat al-Fuad and said to her,
"Arise, for our wish" is won." Hereat she arose and he laid before her
the hundred ducats and the piece of silk, whereat she rejoiced, and
they added the gold to the gold and the silk to the silk and sat
talking and laughing each to other.

Meanwhile, when Abu al-Hasan fared forth the presence of the
Caliph and went to lay out Nuzhat al-Fuad, the Commander of the
Faithful mourned for her, and dismissing the Divan, arose and betook
himself, leaning upon Masrur, the Sworder of his vengeance, to the
Lady Zubaydah, that he might condole with her for her handmaid. He
found her sitting weeping and awaiting his coming, so she might
condole with him for his boon companion Abu al-Hasan the wag. So he
said to her, "May thy head outlive thy slave girl Nuzhat al-Fuad!" and
said she: "O my lord, Allah preserve my slave girl! Mayst thou live
and long survive thy boon companion Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, for he is
dead." The Caliph smiled and said to his eunuch: "O Masrur, verily
women are little of wit. Allah upon thee, say, was not Abu al-Hasan
with me but now?" Quoth the Lady Zubaydah, laughing from a heart
full of wrath: "Wilt thou not leave thy jesting? Sufficeth thee not
that Abu al-Hasan is dead, but thou must put to death my slave girl
also and bereave us of the twain, and style me little of wit?" The
Caliph answered, "Indeed, 'tis Nuzhat al-Fuad who is dead." And the
Lady Zubaydah said: "Indeed he hath not been with thee, nor hast
thou seen him, and none was with me but now save Nuzhat al-Fuad, and
she sorrowful, weeping, with her clothes torn to tatters. I exhorted
her to patience and gave her a hundred dinars and a piece of silk, and
indeed I was awaiting thy coming, so I might console thee for thy
cup companion Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a, and was about to send for
thee." The Caliph laughed and said, "None is dead save Nuzhat
al-Fuad," and she, "No, no, good my lord; none is dead but Abu
al-Hasan the wag."

With this the Caliph waxed wroth, and the hashimi vein started out
from between his eyes and throbbed, and he cried out to Masrur and
said to him, "Fare thee forth to the house of Abu al-Hasan the wag,
and see which of them is dead." So Masrur went out, running, and the
Caliph said to the Lady Zubaydah, "Wilt thou lay me a wager?" And said
she, "Yes, I will wager, and I say that Abu al-Hasan is dead."
Rejoined the Caliph: "And I wager and say that none is dead save
Nuzhat al-Fuad, and the stake between me and thee shall be the
Garden of Pleasaunce against thy palace and the Pavilion of Pictures."
So they agreed upon this and sat awaiting Masrur's return with the
news.

As for the eunuch, he ceased not running till he came to the
by-street wherein was the stead of Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a. Now the
wag was comfortably seated and leaning back against the lattice, and
chancing to look round, saw Masrur running along the street and said
to Nuzhat al-Fuad, "Meseemeth the Caliph, when I went forth from
him, dismissed the Divan and went in to the Lady Zubaydah to condole
with her, whereupon she arose and condoled with him, saying, 'Allah
increase thy recompense for the loss of Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a!'
And he said to her, 'None is dead save Nuzhat al-Fuad, may thy head
outlive her!' Quoth she, ''Tis not she who is dead, but Abu al-Hasan
al-Khali'a, thy boon companion.' And quoth he, 'None is dead save
Nuzhat al-Fuad.' And they waxed so obstinate that the Caliph became
wroth and they laid a wager, and he hath sent Masrur the Sworder to
see who is dead. Now, therefore, 'twere best that thou lie down, so he
may sight thee and go and acquaint the Caliph and confirm my saying."

So Nuzhat al-Fuad stretched herself out and Abu al-Hasan covered her
with her mantilla and sat weeping at her head. Presently, Masrur,
the eunuch, suddenly came in to him and saluted him, and seeing Nuzhat
al-Fuad stretched out, uncovered her face and said: "There is no god
but God! Our sister Nuzhat al-Fuad is dead indeed. How sudden was
the stroke of Destiny! Allah have ruth on thee and acquit thee of
all charge!" Then he returned and related what had passed before the
Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah, and he laughing as he spoke. "O accursed
one," cried the Caliph: "this is no time for laughter! Tell us which
is dead of them." Masrur replied: "By Allah, O my lord, Abu al-Hasan
is well, and none is dead but Nuzhat al-Fuad." Quoth the Caliph to
Zubaydah, "Thou hast lost thy pavilion in thy play," and he jeered
at her. and said, "O Masrur, tell her what thou sawest."

Quoth the eunuch: "Verily, O my lady, I ran without ceasing till I
came in to Abu al-Hasan in his house, and found Nuzhat al-Fuad lying
dead and Abu al-Hasan sitting tearful at her head. I saluted him and
condoled with him and sat down by his side and uncovered the face of
Nuzhat al-Fuad and saw her dead and her face swollen. So I said to
him, 'Carry her out forthwith, so we may pray over her.' He replied,
''Tis well,' and I left him to lay her out and came hither, that I
might tell you the news." The Prince of True Believers laughed and
said, "Tell it again and again to thy lady Little-wits." When the Lady
Zubaydah heard Masrur's words and those of the Caliph she was wroth
and said, "None is little of wit save he who believeth a black slave."
And she abused Masrur, whilst the Commander of the Faithful laughed;
and the eunuch, vexed at this, said to the Caliph, "He spake sooth who
said, 'Women are little of wits and lack religion."'

Then said the Lady Zubaydah to the Caliph: "O Commander of the
Faithful, thou sportest and jestest with me, and this slave
hoodwinketh me, the better to please thee. But I will send and see
which of them be dead." And he answered, saying, "Send one who shall
see which of them is dead." So the Lady Zubaydah cried out to an old
duenna, and said to her: "Hie thee to the house of Nuzhat al-Fuad in
haste and see who is dead, and loiter not." And she used hard words to
her. So the old woman went out running, whilst the Prince of True
Believers and Masrur laughed, and she ceased not running till she came
into the street. Abu al-Hasan saw her, and knowing her, said to his
wife: "O Nuzhat al-Fuad, meseemeth the Lady Zubaydah hath sent to us
to see who is dead and hath not given credit to Masrur's report of thy
death. Accordingly she hath dispatched the old crone, her duenna, to
discover the truth. So it behooveth me to be dead in my turn for the
sake of thy credit with the Lady Zubaydah."

Hereat he lay down and stretched himself out, and she covered him
and bound his eyes and feet and sat in tears at his head. Presently
the old woman came in to her and saw her sitting at Abu al-Hasan's
head, weeping and recounting his fine qualities; and when she saw
the old trot, she cried out and said to her: "See what hath befallen
me! Indeed Abu al-Hasan is dead and hath left me lone and lorn!"
Then she shrieked out and rent her raiment and said to the crone, "O
my mother, how very good he was to me!" Quoth the other, "Indeed
thou art excused, for thou wast used to him and he to thee."

Then she considered what Masrur had reported to the Caliph and the
Lady Zubaydah and said to her, "Indeed, Masrur goeth about to cast
discord between the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah." Asked Nuzhat
al-Fuad, "And what is the cause of discord, O my mother?" and the
other replied: "O my daughter, Masrur came to the Caliph and the
Lady Zubaydah and gave them news of thee that thou wast dead and
that Abu al-Hasan was well." Nuzhat al-Fuad said to her: "O naunty
mine, I was with my lady just now and she gave me a hundred dinars and
a piece of silk, and now see my case and that which hath befallen
me! Indeed I am bewildered, and how shall I do, and I lone and lorn?
Would Heaven I had died and he had lived!" Then she wept and with
her wept the old woman, who, going up to Abu al-Hasan and uncovering
his face, saw his eyes bound and swollen for the swathing. So she
covered him again and said, "Indeed, O Nuzhat al-Fuad, thou art
afflicted in Abu al-Hasan!"

Then she condoled with her, and going out from her, ran along the
street till she came into the Lady Zubaydah and related to her the
story, and the Princess said to her, laughing: "Tell it over again
to the Caliph, who maketh me out little of wit, and lacking of
religion, and who made this ill-omened liar of a slave presume to
contradict me." Quoth Masrur, "This old woman lieth, for I saw Abu
al-Hasan well and Nuzhat al-Fuad it was who lay dead." Quoth the
duenna, "'Tis thou that liest, and wouldst fain cast discord-between
the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah." And Masrur cried, "None lieth but
thou, O old woman of ill omen, and thy lady believeth thee, and she
must be in her dotage." Whereupon the Lady Zubaydah cried out at him,
and in very sooth she was enraged with him and with his speech and
shed tears.

Then said the Caliph to her: "I lie and my eunuch lieth, and thou
liest and thy waiting-woman lieth, so 'tis my rede we go, all four
of us together, that we may see which of us telleth the truth." Masrur
said: "Come, let us go, that I may do to this ill-omened old woman
evil deeds and deal her a sound drubbing for her lying." And the
duenna answered him: "O dotard, is thy wit like into my wit? Indeed
thy wit is as the hen's wit." Masrur was incensed at her words and
would have laid violent hands on her, but the Lady Zubaydah pushed him
away from her and said to him, "Her truthspeaking will presently be
distinguished from thy truth-speaking and her leasing from thy
leasing." Then they all four arose, laying wagers one with other,
and went forth afoot from the palace gate and hied on till they came
in at the gate of the street where Abu al-Hasan al-Khali'a dwelt.

He saw them, and said to his wife, Nuzhat al-Fuad: "Verily, all that
is sticky is not a pancake they cook, nor every time shall the crock
escape the shock. It seemeth the old woman hath gone and told her lady
and acquainted her with our case and she hath disputed with Masrur,
the eunuch, and they have laid wagers each with other about our
death and are come to us, all four, the Caliph and the eunuch and
the Lady Zubaydah and the old trot." When Nuzhat al-Fuad heard this,
she started up from her outstretched posture and asked, "How shall
we do?" whereto he answered, "We will both feign ourselves dead
together and stretch ourselves out and hold out breath." So she
hearkened unto him and they both lay down on the place where they
usually slept the siesta and bound their feet and shut their eyes
and covered themselves with the veil and held their breath.

Presently up came the Caliph, Zubaydah, Masrur, and the old woman,
and entering, found Abu al-Hasan the wag and wife both stretched out
as dead, which when the Lady saw, she wept and said: "They ceased
not to bring ill news of my slave girl till she died. Methinketh Abu
al-Hasan's death was grievous to her and that she died after him."
Quoth the Caliph: "Thou shalt not prevent me with thy prattle and
prate. She certainly died before Abu al-Hasan, for he came to me
with his raiment rent and his beard plucked out, beating his breast
with two bits of unbaked brick, and I gave him a hundred dinars and
a piece of silk and said too him, 'Go, bear her forth, and I will give
thee a bedfellow other than she and handsomer, and she shall be
instead of her.' But it would appear that her death was no light
matter to him and he died after her, so it is I who have beaten thee
and gotten thy stake." The Lady Zubaydah answered him in words galore,
and the dispute between them waxed sore.

At last the Caliph sat down at the heads of the pair and said: "By
the tomb of the Apostle of Allah (whom may He save and assain!) and
the sepulchers of my fathers and forefathers, whoso will tell me which
of them died before the other, I will willingly give him a thousand
dinars!" When Abu al-Hasan heard the Caliph's words, he sprang up in
haste and said: "I died first, O Commander of the Faithful! Here
with the thousand dinars, and acquit thee of thine oath and the
swear thou sworest." Nuzhat al-Fuad rose also and stood up before
the Caliph and the Lady Zubaydah, who both rejoiced in this and in
their safety, and the Princess chid her slave girl. Then the Caliph
and Zubaydah gave them joy of their well-being and knew that this
death was a trick to get the gold, and the Lady said to Nuzhat
al-Fuad: "Thou shouldst have sought of me that which thou neededst,
without this fashion, and not have burned my heart for thee." And she,
"Verily, I was ashamed, O my lady."

As for the Caliph, he swooned away for laughing and said, "O Abu
al-Hasan, thou wilt never cease to be a wag and do peregrine things
and prodigious!" Quoth he: "O Commander of the Faithful, this trick
I played off for that the money which thou gavest me was exhausted,
and I was ashamed to ask of thee again. When I was single, I could
never keep money in hand, but since thou marriedst me to this
damsel, if I possessed even thy wealth, I should lay it waste.
Wherefore when all that was in my hand was spent, I wrought this
sleight so I might get of thee the hundred dinars and the piece of
silk, and all this is an alms from our lord. But now make haste to
give me the thousand dinars and acquit thee of thine oath." The Caliph
and the Lady Zubaydah laughed and returned to the palace, and he
gave Abu al-Hasan the thousand dinars saying, "Take them as a
douceur for thy perservation from death," whilst her mistress did
the like with Nuzhat al-Fuad, honoring her with the same words.
Moreover, the Caliph increased the wag in his solde and supplies,
and he and his wife ceased not to live in joy and contentment till
there came to them the Destroyer of delights and Severer of societies,
the Plunderer of palaces, and the Gamerer of graves.